Chapter 12: Proud and Clever
If the steps of people walking together are calm, they're either engrossed in a deep conversation or lost in their own thoughts.
Ayça didn't want to tell Murat, but she had to go to Tolga's house. She didn't want to break their agreement, especially since Tolga was already unsure about her; irritating him wouldn't help. Murat was wrapped in a similar dilemma.
As both were immersed in their thoughts, they moved forward without talking. Ayça took a deep breath, trying to collect herself.
This was what she wanted, to spend time with Murat outside school. But now, she was worried about not keeping her promise to study. Studies had never been her top priority. Now, to forget about the worry of money and to start a conversation seemed necessary.
Going to her grandmother's house and then to Tolga's would be like a second job for her. It would tire her out, so a creative idea popped into her head. She turned to Murat with an excited gleam and a radiant smile.
"Let me walk you home."
Murat laughed at her proposal. "I'm walking you home..." he reminded her. But Ayça, persistent in her idea, acted as though she was reluctantly bestowing honor, as an old man would forcefully kiss a hand.
"No, let me walk you home. I insist, and please, I beg of you, sir, without even knowing what begging means."
Murat, unsure why she acted this way or insisted, wanted to clarify there was no situation necessitating such insistence. "Actually, Ayça, you are walking me home."
Ayça was confused, her eyebrows arching as she turned to ask, "What do you mean?" The possibility of this happening required certain conditions.
Murat spoke behind his casual demeanor, hiding his reasons. "Our houses are back to back..." This surprise chance would thrill Ayça. The girl, looking for opportunities to get closer to him, would make good use of it. Now that Murat had taken the first step, their friendship could solidify.
But when Ayça learned this, she stopped, the complete opposite of the reaction expected. She didn’t jump for joy or grin mischievously, filling her genie bottles with new ideas. She calmly asked for confirmation, "Have we been neighbors all this time?"
Murat, as if he hadn't intentionally kept it a secret until now, eagerly explained. "We're not exactly neighbors, but close. There’s a bakery and a street between us. But you have to pass in front of our place to get to yours."
Ayça tried to recall the building she passed every day but then realized it was a pointless thought. She silently looked back the way she came, realizing she had made her decision to walk with him too soon. She also felt regret.
"Murat?" she asked, testing the waters... Her voice carried a hint of defeat and dismay.
"What's wrong? I thought you'd be happy to know our houses are close."
Ayça couldn't remember giving anyone so many chances to fool her. Now, she realized she was being made a fool of. Angrily, she quickly pulled out her phone.
"I just remembered, I have something to do. Walk on your own."
As she turned to walk away, Murat couldn’t make sense of her sudden change. He grabbed her arm to stop her from leaving. "Wait a minute. Did I unknowingly make a mistake?"
Ayça smirked, placing her hand on Murat’s and sliding his off her arm. She continued to look at him with a smile that said, even if the world turned into Armageddon, she'd still be smiling.
"I was happy you wanted to spend time with me, Murat. When I realized you were doing me a favor by walking me home, I understood I was being made a fool of."
Murat rolled his eyes, unable to comprehend how she turned the situation in such a direction. "What's happening? What did you get angry about?"
Ayça didn't bother explaining. "Your time is valuable; I won’t steal it." She then walked away from him, calling the friend she had ditched earlier.
"Tolga, send me your address. I’m coming."
The clearly upset Ayça's decision to return surprised Tolga. But he didn’t want to pry into what worked out for him. He quickly sent his home address; he had arrived home about fifteen minutes before her.
He had only managed to change out of his school clothes and wash his face. Coming out of the bathroom with a towel drying his face, he headed to his room, curious to see Ayça there.
"If three apples fell from the sky, even if all three hit your head, you wouldn’t turn back. What happened?"
His certainty about her actions puzzled Ayça. It seemed like everyone had a fixed judgment and knowledge about her. "Don’t talk like you know me."
Tolga gestured for her to sit on his bed. They had differing views on getting to know someone. "Dear Apocalypse Pony, you’re straightforward enough not to confuse anyone. No need for introductions."
The other day, Murat told her to open up more, to allow people to understand her better. But now, Tolga indicated it wasn’t worth the effort.
Actually, Ayça was just being herself, not pretending or hiding, so there was no need for introductions. Yet, being seen as bad and worthless by everyone made her think she needed to introduce herself. Still, she wanted to be sure.
"Are you sure about that?"
Tolga nodded confidently and headed to his desk. "You’re the type who chases what you want but also knows when to run away breathlessly when it turns out not to be worth it..."
He had inadvertently highlighted her situation today, her decision to go with Murat and then turning back.
Ayça rolled her eyes, tired of his know-it-all attitude. "You think you know me."
Tolga, without losing his air of superiority, turned in his chair, smiling smugly.
"I know I don’t need to. You’re like the villains in movies; they don’t introduce you, they just show your actions because there’s no need for introductions. You’re the well-known villain."
Ayça scowled, mimicking him, dampening his enjoyment. "If you think saying that will break my heart, you’re wrong. Like you said, I'm the villain, and villains don’t get their hearts broken."
Realizing he couldn't see any emotion flicker in her eyes, Tolga understood her heart wasn’t broken, nor was her ego bruised. He always thought highly of himself, even if he wasn't the lead role, and it didn’t seem to bother her at all. If someone else had said such a thing to him, he would have retorted with his grades and achievements without mercy.
Her reaction confirmed that everything, the rankings, the stereotypes, even what they considered success, meant nothing in Ayça's world. Sometimes he thought she just made noise, but now he understood she had real thoughts.
Curious about why she returned and what happened with Murat, he asked, "If I can't break your heart, why did you come back? You’ll tell me, right?"
Ayça eyed him, unsure if he could comprehend. They had common thoughts, mainly about portraying Principal Akif
in a bad light.
"Because, despite living close and walking home every day, Murat only just told me our houses were close."
About to elaborate, Tolga interrupted, "I see." Ayça looked at him in astonishment.
"How do you see? You're not going to ask what that means?"
Tolga wanted to remind her of his intelligence but was annoyed she kept forgetting. It seemed so simple to him, and he explained,
"Pride. Even though you chase after him, Murat stepping towards you then pulling back hurts your pride. Plus, even though your homes are in different directions, you and Mustafa wait for each other at the corner to go to school together or split there after school. But he hid this from you. It clearly shows he didn’t want to walk with you until now."
All of Ayça's frustration and hurt spilled out through his words. Dragging her feet, she went to the bed he had pointed out earlier and collapsed face down. Grumbling and flipping onto her back, she noticed Tolga’s curious gaze, reminiscent of the bed's owner. She had no energy to protest. She had walked so far. Staring at the ceiling, she spoke,
"All this time, like he said, he saw me as a distraction, a waste of time, and kept his distance. Now, whatever changed his mind, I don’t care. His behavior makes me feel like crap. I’ll never allow that!"
Her anger culminated in a shout, her fist raised in the air, punching at an invisible face.
Tolga watched her with the interest of a gossip-loving aunt who had found new fodder. Wheeling his chair closer to the bed where Ayça lay looking at the ceiling, he towered over her.
"One last question, since you're so upset, you must be thinking what I’m thinking. Who do you think caused his change of heart?"
Ayça narrowed her eyes at his sneaky demeanor and hands clasped behind her head, enjoying keeping him in suspense.
"Who? Since you asked who instead of what, you must know what I’m thinking."
Tolga stretched with a proud smile. "I am intelligent, but I’d like to hear it from you."
Ayça's annoyance at his arrogance was evident. Sitting up quickly, she didn’t hide her anger.
"You’re not as clever as you think, because... the person who put me in this humiliating situation is right in front of me."
Tolga recoiled in surprise. "Me?" He had thought of Principal Akif, but Ayça was accusing him.
"The genius! You’re the one, Golden Boy. No one would think you backed the wrong horse."
Tolga was confused but receiving praise from her was unexpected. He wanted to pursue it. "Do you really see me as the Golden Boy?"
Ayça sighed deeply, refusing to indulge him.
"I won’t say I see you that way because you’ll make fun of me for saying you’re the horse I bet on."
Tolga hadn't anticipated her thoughts, even though he claimed intelligence. But Ayça had immediately caught on to his. Smiling, she moved away.
"You’re smarter than me; you guessed what I was thinking. Let’s get to work, Apocalypse Horse."