-Present Day-
As the car moved along the road in the already dark night, I wondered where we were going. For a moment, I accepted him without thinking, just like in the past. He was the only person who could take me anywhere. As long as I was with him, I knew I was safe. As we headed out of the city, I checked the time on my phone. It was perhaps two hours until midnight. I turned to him slightly.
"So, where are we going now?"
"We're getting lost."
A sweet smile formed on his lips, just like before. I nodded and reached to turn on the radio. I tuned into the DJ I listened to every evening and waited to hear what he would say this time. "How can someone who has been lost for six years so easily say they're getting lost again?" He turned his head slightly to me, and his gaze found mine.
"I was lost for six years, yes. Returning home was very difficult. I didn't know it would take this long to come back to you."
As he explained, the man I had been waiting for finally started to speak. "We know Cahit Zarifoğlu. The only poet among the Seven Beautiful Men who couldn't reach his love. Our artist who wrote to the invisible part of the iceberg. I want to share a few lines from him with you. 'Isn't it true that our reunions are limping. Our separations are running. I told you, you're always on my mind. I'm too tired to explain it any other way.' How beautifully he wrote these words. Isn't it truly like that? Some loves end quickly, even if they carry great love in their hearts, and when they try to reunite, it seems like the world starts to turn upside down, as if the sun will rise from the west. The reunion of two lovers is very slow. Let's play these songs tonight for our two lovers who can't reunite. And let's be the bridge they need to cross on their journey. Maybe this way, their reunion will be quicker?"
How could this man always put into words all the feelings I had? He would answer the questions I pondered every night and support me. Was he listening to me from somewhere? Just before playing the song, the man spoke again. "A listener asks, 'DJ, how can you guess my feelings so well? Every time you seem to be telling my heart's story.'" The man's laughter reached us. I eagerly waited for the answer to the question. How could he possibly describe my feelings too? Somehow.
"Dear listeners, some of us experience the most intense form of love. Some of us experience the simplest. But everyone who joins this program has a wound. Many different bodies, many different lives. But we have one thing in common with each one. Our hearts are in love with someone we can't forget. We are all people who have been in love. Now, I dedicate this song to the listener who asked this question. But I'm sure this song will reach all our listeners' hearts."
As an old record started to play, I realized I hadn't listened to this song in a long time. Watching the other cars moving in the darkness, I listened to the music. "It used to be very difficult for me to talk to you, but now it feels like you've built walls against me."
I turned to him. "It's normal for you to feel this way. You don't even
know what I've been through for six years, and when you suddenly showed up, how did you expect me to react?" My anger towards him grew. This still showed that I was waiting for him and still cared about him. "I know I caused you the most harm for six years. Maybe I shouldn't have been so selfish when I promised to come to you that day. I wish only I had suffered this pain and you had forgotten me." These words hurt me even more. Even if I wanted to forget him while waiting for him, I couldn't. The promise he made didn't matter to me. I just wanted to wait for him. Even if he hadn't shown up, I loved this dream.
"See... Now you're being selfish. You don't have to handle everything alone. I didn't forget you because I didn't want to. Even if I was in pain..."
As I heard my words, I could barely stop myself. There was truly a big difference between the shy Derin of then and the brave Derin of now. If only I had acted a little earlier then... Maybe if I had followed him that day and been with him, things wouldn't be like this now. Our lives would have been different.
I kept my thoughts to myself and leaned back. As I watched outside, he held my hand. As his lips touched my fingers, he started asking questions. "I... I'm curious. What's your favorite color? Your favorite food? When were you the happiest?" As he asked me questions, his lips continued to place small kisses on my hand.
If Eray from six years ago had done this, I would have thought his intentions were innocent. But it was the 30-year-old Eray doing this now. His body and face, like his thoughts, must have matured. As the car slowed and stopped, I couldn't help but watch him. After pulling the brake, he turned to me. Now he held both my hands in his palms.
As he pressed my hand to his cheek, he looked at me with a strange gaze in his eyes. "I'm curious if you'll come back to me. If you can teach me emotions I haven't discovered yet." I swallowed calmly. This atmosphere had heated up significantly. As my cheeks burned, I coughed lightly. I didn't answer any of his questions as I pulled my hand back.
"So, where are we now?"
As I tried to compose myself, I knew I would be in more danger the longer I stayed alone with this man. He got out of the car and took a few things from the trunk, then opened the door where I was sitting. As he extended his hand to me, I wondered why I always reached out to take it? Even if I deliberately acted cold towards him, I still couldn't stop holding his hand. "Come on."
As he called out to me, I got out of the car and looked around. I watched the city lights not far away. As he held my hand tightly and led me through the darkness, I wondered how he could see ahead. As I moved carefully not to fall, the cold wind penetrated me. I was wearing thin clothes, and if I stayed outside like this for a while longer, I might get sick.
Holding his hand tightly to avoid falling, I remembered the day I got lost. That day, I could have encountered someone else, or no one might have found me. But fate brought him to me in my difficult moment. I couldn't help but smile. Finally, he stopped me. When I looked up, a dim light illuminated a mountain cabin. Had he brought me here? Leaving me there, he ran off and didn't return for a while. As I waited for him, I looked around. This must have been a mountain cabin or something similar.
As I looked around, a beam of light from behind cast shadows in front of me. I turned to see a tree decorated with LED lights. A table was set up, and a fire ready to be lit stood beside it. As I walked towards it, I looked at the house. It was designed with wooden planks. Finally, as he emerged from behind the house, he approached me. He took a shawl from the table and wrapped it around me, saying, "We need to protect you first." I knew this conversation too.
I couldn't help but smile. As he saw my softened face, he breathed a sigh of relief. He sat me down and started trying to light the fire. I watched him for a while. Lighting a fire must have been this difficult. I got up and approached him. "Do you need help?" He turned to me, raised both hands, and proudly said, "No, I can handle it." I watched him for a while longer. His hand tried to arrange the coals. Then he tried to light it again. I ended his struggle.
"Give them to me. I'll handle it."
I took them from his hand. I saw the fire-starting liquid on the ground. I picked it up and showed it to him, then poured it over the coals. I lit a piece of wood and threw it onto the coals, and the flames rose on their own. I clapped my hands as if cleaning them. As he looked at me with admiration, I could see he was also regretful for not being able to light the fire.
I reached out to wipe the coal mark on his forehead. As my fingers gently cleaned his forehead, I spoke. "Sometimes, you don't have to do everything. Everyone has something they're not good at." After wiping the mark, I turned to him. When our gazes met, I realized how close we were. As I stepped back, I continued to tease him. "For instance, you're not good at lighting a fire, but you're very good at keeping someone waiting."
His face fell. As he pouted, I stood by the fire to warm up. "Are you going to keep scolding me for my mistake?" As he stood with me by the fire, I shook my head. "But even though I wanted to come to you so much, I couldn't. Please think again after I explain everything."
He held my hands. As he looked into my eyes with hope, I opened my mouth to scold him again. "Now my hands are dirty because of you." He stepped back and looked at my stained hands. "Wait here, I'll be right back," he said, running inside. As he left me alone outside for a while longer, I focused on the sounds I heard. Even though it was night, the birds were still chirping. As a firefly flew by, others started to join it. I looked up at the tree decorated with lights. A moth was circling the light like a propeller. As I lifted my head a little higher, I watched the starry sky. When was the last time I had watched the stars so beautifully?
A noise came from the house. Then, as he came out of the door, he was carrying a bowl of water. When he reached me, he immediately placed the bowl in front of me, and I dipped my hands in it, and he started to clean the stains. The slightly warm water felt soothing. When he realized the stains were completely gone, he removed my hands and dried them with the towel draped over his shoulder. As I watched him, I wondered how the little boy had turned into this man.
"It's done," he said happily, turning to me and smiling. His eyes squinted again. As his cheeks plumped up, he showed me his teeth. I wanted to reach out and pinch his cheeks. But I held myself back. "Thank you," I said, looking at my hands.
"Do you want hot chocolate?" he asked. I would love to warm up. I nodded, and he went inside again. As I threw a few pieces of wood onto the fire, he returned with hot chocolates. As he sat beside me, he placed a few pieces of marshmallow on a stick and started roasting them over the fire. "The weather is so nice, isn't it?"
Despite the coolness, it was a peaceful night, yes. "It's been a long time since I had a getaway like this," I said. Maybe I had come to a place like this with my friends. As I took a sip of the hot chocolate, I let the warm liquid heat me up inside. As I took the second sip, he blew on the roasted marshmallow to cool it down before handing it to me. "Be careful! It should be hot," he warned me, and I gently popped it into my mouth. As the soft candy melted in my mouth, I made a happy sound.
"And here's another one."
He handed me the second piece. As he ate it too, I smiled. I continued drinking the hot chocolate. Finally, he found a spot beside me and started to speak. "That day... After I turned on my phone at the airport, I saw I had received many calls. When I called my uncle, I found out that my dad had been taken to the hospital and had been in intensive care for a week. At that moment... I didn't know what to do. I hadn't been paying much attention to my dad for a long time. I had left him alone and focused on taking photos. The thought of losing him and never seeing him again broke me. When I lost my mom, I was young and didn't understand emotions, but the fear of losing my dad hurt my heart."
"After I left you, I went to the hospital. I learned about my dad's condition. He had had a heart attack, and his condition was very serious. Then I found out my dad had been scammed. He had borrowed a large amount from the bank, and the man took the money and ran. While my dad was in the hospital,
I worked to pay off the debt. But I couldn't manage both my dad's hospital expenses and the debt at the same time. Within a year, I had to sell the house. With the money from the house, I paid off the debt, but this time we were homeless. Even if my dad got out of intensive care, he still had to stay in the hospital. I barely managed to tell him we had to sell the house. But even if he found out, he didn't judge me. Then we fought together. We built a new home and a new job for ourselves. It took us maybe three years to fix everything."
"After three years, my dad wanted me to continue living the life I had left off. And after three years, I started taking photos again. In the first group I joined for a trip, the camera my mom had given me was stolen. I worked to buy a new one. And this time, time passed even more. As I tried to come to you, more obstacles appeared in front of me. But in the end, I came here. No matter what, I came to you."
As he told me what he had been through, I watched him with tearful eyes. I knew his father was ill. But I didn't know they had sold the house and gone through so much. So, it really was very hard for him to come to me. I wished he had given me a way to reach him. At that moment... When he left me, all I thought was not to let him go. Nothing else had crossed my mind. But apparently, he had only thought about his dad at that moment too.
"I had found your address somehow. I would visit your house once a week and wait. Maybe I did this for a year. I couldn't stop myself from going and waiting until my university ended. I still remember a store owner saying bad things about you. At that time, I got very angry with him and shoved his words back in his mouth. But when I went to your house for the last time, you weren't there anymore. And since my graduation was coming up, I had to go back home. When my parents suggested moving to your city for a few years, I prevented it. And while waiting for you, I started training to open and run a café. When you came, I wanted to show you I had fulfilled my dream. It really has been a long time..."
As my gaze drifted into the void, his hand appeared in front of my eyes. I looked at him. He had stood up and was offering me something once again. As my fingers settled into his palm, he held me tightly. I stood up from where I was sitting and let him lead me.
He laid a blanket on the ground. As he settled on it, he pulled me close. With a remote control he pulled from his pocket, he turned off the lights and made me lie down. As I lay down listening to him, he covered me tightly with a blanket to keep me warm. As he found his spot beside me, I looked at him. The weather was cool, and he could be cold too. I completely opened the blanket and covered it over both of us. Without thinking, I moved closer to him, and when I placed my head down, his arm had already settled under my head. Just like it used to be.
The sound of the fire crackling mixed with the chirping of the birds. The wind blew gently, and the tree branches rustled. As I watched the stars, a shooting star appeared. Excitedly, I pointed it out. "Did you see? A shooting star?" I said excitedly. As he held my hand tightly under the blanket and warmed it, he sighed.
"Yes, I saw it,"
As I watched the stars, I listened to his calm breaths. His warm skin calmed me. He moved beside me. As he turned his body towards me, I watched him. "You... You shine brighter than this starry night," My face blushed at his compliment. Thinking he would hear my wildly beating heart, I wanted to hide it. "Let me," he said as he asked for permission. I wondered what he was asking for.
As his gaze roamed over my face, he let go of my hand and reached my face. He played with my hair; his fingers roamed over my face. As he reached my lips after my nose, he paused.
I could see where his gaze landed. I wanted to escape from him. "Let me once more," he said. I could hear the pleading in his voice. Even if I wanted to run away from him, he didn't let me. He wasn't the little Eray I knew anymore. He was truly the mature Eray. I swallowed calmly.
"Once more..." he whispered, his breath brushing my face. Before I could say anything, he reached me. Feeling him again after all these years was wonderful. Touching him and hearing his voice after so long. I wasn't in a dream right now. I was next to the man I had dreamed of for years. And maybe this man had come to me with the entire galaxy in his hands. When he touched me, he became my Milky Way. He uncovered the deepest hidden mysteri
es and gifted them to me.
You still make me feel the same way, even after all these years.