The sounds of my heels hitting the asphalt echoed, as if racing with the rhythm of my heart. I was running without looking back. Running from Alp, from those icy blue eyes, from the darkness that drew me in. I had believed him like a fool. 'To satisfy your curiosity,' he said... What a cruel lie that was.
"Zeynep! Stop!" Alp's voice echoed in my ears. I ignored it. I ran even faster. I entered the faculty building and disappeared into the crowd. As I climbed the stairs, breathless, I cursed a thousand times. How could I be so naive? How could I fall for his game?
***
I barely made it to class. The lecture had started, and the professor was giving me murderous looks. Apologizing, I slipped into an empty seat. My mind was so confused that I couldn't focus on what the professor was saying. My eyes involuntarily darted to the door, wondering if Alp would come. What would I do if he came? What would I say to him?
"Zeynep, are you okay? Your face is so pale," whispered Ayşe, who was sitting next to me.
"I'm fine," I brushed it off. "Just a little sleep-deprived."
Ayşe looked at me suspiciously but didn't press further. Thank goodness she didn't. I wasn't in a state to explain anything to anyone. I needed to collect myself, to decide what to do. Alp's confession had changed everything. Now, I was not only fighting for revenge, but also for survival.
The lecture felt endless. When the bell rang, it was as if tons of weight were lifted off me. I quickly gathered my things and left the classroom. I was nervous as I walked down the hallway. I felt like I would run into Alp at any moment. Maybe I should face him. Maybe I should stand up to him. But it wasn't that easy. Around him, all my logic would evaporate.
***
I went down to the cafeteria for lunch. Ayşe and my other friends were sitting at a table, chatting. I went to them and joined them. Being with them relaxed me a little, distracted me from thinking about Alp.
"Where did you disappear to?" Burak asked. "You weren't around after class."
"I had some things to do," I said.
"What things?" he pressed.
"Never mind," I said. "It's not important."
I tried to change the subject, but Burak was stubborn. Just as I was about to blurt something out, a shadow approached our table. Alp.
My heart skipped a beat. I lost my breath. All the blood seemed to rush to my brain. I tried to avoid his gaze, but I couldn't. Those icy blue eyes were drawing me in like magnets.
"Hi guys," Alp said casually. "Zeynep, can we talk?"
Everyone around us was looking at us. Ayşe, Burak, and my other friends were scrutinizing us with curious eyes. I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to talk. I wanted to stay away from him. But at the same time, I was curious about what he had to say.
"Not now," I said, my voice trembling.
"Please," said Alp, with a pleading expression. "Just five minutes."
I nodded helplessly. There was no escaping talking to him.
Together, we left the cafeteria and walked towards the back garden. This was one of the most secluded corners of the faculty. No one would bother us.
***
"Why did you do it?" I asked, finally. I couldn't hide the hurt in my voice. "Why did you lie to me?"
Alp took a deep breath. His eyes were filled with sadness.
"I didn't want to lie," he said. "I just... I just didn't know how to approach you."
"That's ridiculous," I said. "You could have told me the truth. You didn't have to deceive me."
"I know," he said. "I acted very foolishly. But believe me, I didn't intend to hurt you."
I wanted to believe him. But so much had happened that it was hard to trust him.
"Why did you want to satisfy your curiosity?" I asked. "What did you want to learn from me?"
Alp hesitated for a moment. He averted his gaze.
"It's... it's a complicated matter," he said. "There are many things I need to tell you. But not now."
"What do you mean not now?" I snapped. "What are you hiding from me?"
"I'll tell you everything," he said. "I promise. But first, I need to figure some things out myself."
I was torn between believing him and not believing him. One side of me wanted to trust him, the other side was telling me to stay away from him.
"Okay," I said. "I'll believe you. But if you lie to me again, I'll never forgive you."
Alp smiled. That smile spread a light of hope inside me. Maybe everything could be fixed. Maybe I could get out of the darkness with him.
"I'll never lie to you," he said. "I promise."
We looked at each other for a long time. At that moment, everything around us disappeared. It was just us, and that intense attraction between us...
Just then, my phone rang. It was my mother calling. The name that appeared on the screen was like an alarm. My mother calling wouldn't mean anything good. There was definitely a problem.
"Hello, Mom?" I said, anxiously.
My mother's voice was trembling and tearful. "Zeynep... Your father..."
Before my mother could finish her sentence, a bad feeling stirred inside me. It was as if I knew something was wrong. I just didn't want to hear it.
"What happened to my father, Mom?" I asked, with difficulty.
The sentence I heard between my mother's sobs shattered my whole world.
"Your father... Your father is dead, Zeynep."