Chapter 10: Contrast
It felt like all the puzzle pieces were slowly falling into place, and he was getting closer to his true identity. Everything was about to turn into a playground for him.
Even though Tolga insisted on silence, he couldn't help himself. It was ridiculous to think that checking test answers needed to be so serious.
Once his soda can was empty, he looked around. It was a calm tea garden, mostly occupied by families. Noticing no one was watching, he threw his empty soda can from his arbor to the one next to it. It wasn’t the throw he intended; it would’ve been perfect if it had landed on the table next door, but it rolled away.
Frustrated, he wanted to chat with Tolga, who was checking the solved questions with the precision of a detective.
He knew the bridal shower was a girls-only thing. He smirked, just to tease. "So, there's a bridal shower, you coming?"
Tolga, irritated, placed his pen between the pages of the test and closed it. Ayça could guess what he was about to say.
"Let me guess, 'I'm so funny'."
The last thing Tolga would joke about was a bridal shower. He was concerned about the girl he was destined to be with, her studies. If Ayça didn't achieve a certain level of success, all chances would be lost. As if it wasn’t enough that everything depended on her, Ayça’s grades were bad. He was disappointed when he checked her answers. He even thought about giving up because Ayça seemed like an impossible choice.
Seeing him have fun, he couldn't hold back and snapped at her.
"You got eight out of ten questions wrong. You didn’t even bother with two."
Ayça didn’t take his anger to heart, her smile didn’t fade.
"So, you mean I'm the last in the trial exams?"
"No, you're a hopeless case. There’s no way you can make it!"
It was too late for everything now. Because Ayça had seen his weakness and wouldn’t easily let go, knowing it would benefit her.
"Forget about that school downtown."
Tolga ran his fingers through his hair aggressively. "Ugh! Damn it!" Then, he rested his forehead in his hands, elbows on the table.
As his hair tangled, Ayça watched him closely. She thought he was actually a fun kid. Not just thought, she was sure of it. But when it came to school and studies, Tolga turned into someone pushy and ambitious.
Ayça couldn’t guess why he was so focused on his goals. To calm him, she smoothed his tousled hair, like soothing a three-year-old from crying.
"Chill, cowboy. And why’s that high school so important? Everyone raves about the principal's study plan."
She didn’t want him to give up on this plan. Him wanting to go to the central high school meant she would get paid. But out of curiosity, she tried to get more information from him.
Tolga lowered his hands and straightened up. He couldn’t stay silent when the topic was the principal.
"Would you make someone else number one if you had your own son? He doesn’t want to either. While I say I need to study more, the man tells me I should rest. And you're talking about his study plan, ridiculous."
Ayça always wondered about these accusations. She didn’t know how true they were, but if they were, it meant pure evil.
People could be evil; everyone was born with their own demons. But hiding behind good intentions was like being born with that demon.
She wondered if Principal Akif was such a person. He could be one of those who appeared to be good.
"So, he'll sabotage me to make his son number one? Oh my, I guess I'll have to wing it, no angels left."
Tolga, who had no friends, wanted to talk about this and have someone to believe in him sincerely. Sharing his troubles felt good.
"I worked really hard, every year. Didn’t know weekends, mid-term breaks, or end-of-year holidays... I worked harder than anyone. I make national rankings with my scores. I’ll do whatever it takes to score even higher in the university entrance exam."
When Ayça looked at him, it was clear she believed everything he said. She wanted to reassure him about his worries.
"Murat isn’t as successful as you. He doesn’t even have any rankings."
Tolga said something more confusing. "Because he doesn’t want them."
Ayça, who doubted everything and looked for hidden motives, readily accepted what she wanted to believe. She found potential in Murat to do such a thing. This was because he had lied about being her boyfriend.
"He’s playing dirty, huh? Look at the handsome principal's son."
Tolga sighed deeply. All he did was study, and all he wanted was to win by working.
"That’s why I need a school that will not hold me back but push me forward."
For Ayça, all these matters contained a quest for victory; it was a race, no different from horse racing to her. She didn’t see the need for such things, so she looked at him as if to say "Shame on you."
"You’re such an ambitious pup! It’s not the end of the world."
For Tolga, it wasn’t that simple. If he dedicated these years to studying, he might have an easier life in the future, working less. A good profession meant a good life.
"Actually, it’s exactly like that." Looking at Ayça, he knew he couldn’t convince her. No matter what he said, Ayça knew best for herself. But he still asked, "What does that mean?"
"I’ve always been the top student, the one with awards, the most successful kid... That’s who I am, Ayça..."
Ayça looked at the boy, who always seemed to know better and felt embarrassed for the stupid things he did as if she had done them herself. She acted just like him, squinting her eyes and raising an eyebrow, her gaze moving away from him in a plea for patience.
Being top in rankings doesn’t define who a person is. Being first in line doesn’t show what kind of character one has.
Even the bad parts of Ayça, if asked about her, people would describe her for minutes. Even if not as a good person, they’d use sentences filled with pieces of her character.
To Ayça, Tolga seemed unbearable when it came to studies, but otherwise, she saw someone fun in front of her. If he could let go of his own conditions, she was almost sure he could be as fun as her. All her certainty came from the feelings she got from gin bottles, but she always trusted them.
Turning to Tolga, she tried to convince him. "Don’t be silly. Of course, you’re more than that. Everyone is more than that."
"I want to study at the best university and be at the top of my profession, where higher titles are written. Because this is my destiny. The life I want, the life I dream of, is this."
Ayça had never heard such big words from her peers. At nineteen, like most, she was just starting out. But her future worries and plans had taken over her present so much that thinking about her sixties made her feel
like she was sixty already.
Ayça moved closer. "Why do you believe that?"
Tolga had questioned this internally countless times, and due to changing answers, he couldn’t be sure. But he clung to his favorite answer that motivated him towards his goal.
"I deserve to be at the top of society. This might seem like ambition to you, but it’s not. If you’re the heir, you aim for the throne; if you work hard, you aim for success. It’s normal for me to want this."
Ayça didn’t respond with big reactions, diminutions, or judgments this time. "The top of society..." she murmured to herself. Then she remembered a series she watched. The series depicted societal status with Pyramids.
Ayça had neglected her studies a bit because of that series. She wanted to break Tolga's rigid ideas by talking about it.
"You know about the Egyptian Pyramids, right?" she started. Curious about what bothered him so much, Tolga asked, "What about them?"
"I watched a series. In the series, the 'being at the top of society' you mentioned was shown with a Pyramid. It reminded me of that. The father told his children to be at the highest point of the Pyramids and forced them to study."
Tolga listened attentively. When she hesitated, even though she feared he might mock her at the end of her speech, he encouraged her to continue, "And, what happened then?"
"Someone else's child saw the pyramid and you know what they said? The best part of the Pyramids is actually the middle. I think the pharaoh's tombs were there too."
When she paused, Tolga understood what she was trying to say. Instead of working so hard to be at the top, having a comfortable and peaceful life required an average existence.
While Tolga was aiming for the highest he could, Ayça, content with staying in the middle and happy with her lot, wasn’t judged by him. That was her opinion.
After all, if everyone climbed for the peak, the rugged path would wear out and become easy for everyone to climb. This would take away all the allure of the peak.
"I get it. But I won’t change my mind based on just a movie."
When Tolga said this, a strange expression appeared on Ayça's face. She had changed as soon as she understood the topic. However, Tolga, despite understanding, was still determined.
Some people’s willpower is strengthened not by facts but by beliefs.
Tolga had understood the truth but was determined to follow the path he believed in.
"I told you because I knew you'd understand. But I should've guessed you wouldn’t agree. Tolga, we're quite the opposites."
Tolga nodded in agreement. "More than just a bit."
Ayça shook herself as if coming to a realization. Trying to prove she was right, she leaned forward across the table towards him with a smile.
"But right now, we're in the same place at the same time. That means... dear destiny is not after status, but the games of life."
Tolga laughed, wanting to move on from a serious topic to a normal conversation.
"Maybe... Speaking of chasing, what's with this beauty contest? What are you after?"
Ayça leaned back, adopting a proud stance.
"One awake is enough to wake all the sleepers."
Tolga realized it was wrong to underestimate her with this conversation. He had thought of her as a lazy girl who constantly caused trouble without thinking. But Ayça, even if she didn’t show it, was a deep thinker.
"I've heard that phrase before."
Ayça smiled proudly. "That's because the awake one here is me."
"How exactly are you waking them up?"
"I can't tell you..."
____
(Bridal Shower)
It was her first time at such a place. But like any environment, she adapted quickly without finding it strange. They were given a small room with little wooden lockers and benches to change their clothes.
Everyone had changed, wearing their bath wraps. Ayça, the last to change, ignored her grandmother rushing her from outside.
Singing a folk song, she stuffed her clothes into the locker assigned to her. She wore a black spaghetti strap bikini she had ordered as soon as she heard about the bath event. Although she had seen in movies that people wore bath wraps in hamams, she thought this custom had ended with modern times, especially since the place they came to had a spa and sauna. If everything else was modern, this could change too.
Continuing her song as she left the changing room, "Can there be electricity on the wall? Can a stranger girl be an angel?"
Naime Sultan, surprised to see her, asked, "What kind of outfit is this?" Then, worried someone else might see her, she quickly checked the surroundings and pushed her back into the changing room.
Ayça, unfazed by her grandmother's reaction, replied, "It’s my hamam outfit. Nice bikini, right? Just bought it. It was hard to find, but I managed."
Naime Sultan grabbed a bath wrap from the corner and wrapped it around her granddaughter. "Take this wrap, wrap it around you. That’s the proper way."
Ayça protested as her grandmother wrapped her.
"It won’t show my bikini then."
Ignoring her, Naime Sultan did what she thought was right, grumbling as she wrapped the bath wrap around her. "Don’t cause trouble just this once, Apocalypse Pony. Behave."
Accepting it, Ayça adjusted the wrap and retorted to her grandmother, who had told her to behave. "Not exactly my choice, babe."
Naime Sultan, taken aback by her casual talk, scolded her.
"Speak properly, I’m your grandmother, not your peer."
Following her grandmother out of the changing room, Ayça muttered to herself. "None of my peers have saggy boobs anyway."
Entering the main bath area with the navel stone and basins, the hot air choked her. But Ayça looked around with interest, realizing it was just like in the movies. She loved the white marble and the steam.
Waving at her aunt sitting next to her mother-in-law on the navel stone, Ayça quickly joined them when she found an excuse. Feride had quickly escaped to their side.
Naime looked at her other daughter while Ayça snuggled up to her aunt. "Psst, auntie. Will you be the nice doggie fetching the soap for the mother-in-law?"
Hearing her tone and words, her grandmother turned to her angrily, hands on her hips. "Look at the nerve on that rude one."
Feride stepped in front of her mother to prevent the situation from escalating. She liked how Ayça spoke to her intimately. Her niece treated everyone the same, fearless. But she knew there was sincerity in her actions and it made her happy.
Adjusting a stray lock from Ayça's hastily tied hair and smiling, she replied.
"No, dear auntie, that custom is long gone."
Naime Sultan noticed her in-law approaching with a scrubbing mitt in hand. Her scowling face and anger vanished, replaced by a smile indicating she was up to something mischievous, looking at her granddaughter.
"Ayça, my dear granddaughter, come here."
Ayça wouldn’t have been surprised if she was threatened with death,
but the sweetness startled her. Following her grandmother, who was pulling her by the arm, she was nervous.
"Are you going to drag me to a corner and kill me? What’s up, dear granddaughter? Have you lost your mind?"
Taking the mitt from the in-law’s hand, Naime Sultan waved it in front of her granddaughter’s face.
"It’s scrubbing time, Apocalypse Pony."
Realizing it was payback time, Ayça started trembling with fear. "No, I’ll pass." But her resistance was futile.
Her grandmother laid her on the navel stone and began to scrub her vigorously. Not satisfied with just that, she climbed on top of her to prevent her from escaping, pinning her down with her legs.
Ayça, fearing for her life, tried with all her might to escape the hot water, the suffocating bubbles, and the mitt. She hated the hamam and the hundred lira she had wheedled out of her grandmother for this.
When the women were picked up by the men after the hamam, they all seemed relaxed and softened. Ayça, however, felt a bitter exhaustion. Her grandmother appeared triumphantly happy, while Ayça could barely stand. Seeing Tolga, who had come with her brother to help their mother, she felt inexplicably happy.
Staggering towards him, Tolga couldn’t help but laugh at her appearance. Her skin, exposed by her short-sleeved shirt and shorts, was all red.
Approaching him, Ayça collapsed into him from exhaustion.
"Ah, Tolga, catch me!"
Tolga pressed his lips together, trying hard not to burst into laughter. Supporting Ayça so she wouldn’t fall to the ground, he held her by the waist.
"Are you okay, Apocalypse Pony? Did the heat do this? You look like a tomato."
Remembering her grandmother laughing while scrubbing her, Ayça stood up with resentment and anger. She wouldn’t let this go.
"It’s not the heat, my thousand-pound grandmother sat on me and scrubbed me down. She broke all my bones."
Tolga tried to soothe her while suppressing a smile, pulling the stumbling girl closer.
"Come here, lean on me."
Ayça started to whine like a small, grumpy child. "Carry me on your back! I want to go home! I miss my dad! I want my uncle! I never liked the hamam!"
Tolga, wanting to put an end to her screaming and ugly crying face, turned around and crouched, lifting her by the legs as she climbed onto his back.
As Ayça wrapped her arms around his neck from over his shoulder, she stopped whining. Resting her head against his, she struggled to keep her eyes open, lulled into sleep.
Tolga wouldn’t just accept this and do it silently. He couldn’t carry her all the way home, but at least she stopped whining. And while she was on his back, he could talk and laugh as much as he wanted.
"Apocalypse Pony, you’re such a leech... Sticking to people and sucking their blood."
Ayça's voice dropped as sleep took over, "Complain all you want, can't you carry a fifty-kilo girl? Shame on your frame." Her eyes were closing, and being carried on someone's back reminded her of her father. Memories of times spent with her dad made her feel as if she was at home.
Tolga shook her on his back, scaring her. "Quiet or I’ll drop you. 750 kilo you." He thought this might wake her up a bit.
"I won’t say a word, okay."
Even though Tolga was surprised she agreed so easily, he was pleased. They continued in silence for a while. When carrying her became difficult, he stopped to catch his breath.
Ayça didn’t make a sound, caught between sleep and wakefulness. She didn’t want to disrupt this feeling of being in the clouds. That was until she heard a familiar voice.
"Hello?"
Ayça slightly opened her eyelids to see Murat standing in front of them, surprised by their state. She tightened her grip around Tolga, not wanting this to end. She just wanted to go home and sleep.
"Murat? I’m not in the state to see handsome guys today, come back tomorrow."
Tolga slightly turned his head to smile at the girl on his back. "We should scrub you more often. You look great."
Bending his knees to lower himself to the ground, it was clear he meant for Ayça to get off his back. Reluctantly getting down, Ayça scrunched her face and responded to his comment.
"Very funny."
Hearing this phrase again made Tolga roll his eyes. They kept saying 'very funny' to each other. He made a suggestion.
"Can we drop this now? We’re not five-year-olds."
Ayça looked at it positively, weakly nodding. "Deal. Whoever says it next, the other gets to slap them."
Tolga eagerly replied, "With pleasure..." Their conversation made Murat feel ignored as if he wasn’t there.
Ayça, sitting on the curb and stretching her legs out to the road, smirked at Tolga.
"We’re not that close. About 3,000... 3,000 centimeters apart."
Tolga, who was about to pay her 3,000 TL for tutoring, didn’t appreciate the joke. He scrunched his face, finding it childish. It was the perfect moment to say 'very funny', but they had just agreed not to.
"I’m holding back from saying it right now."
Ayça, raising her hand to slap him if he dared, egged him on.
"Go ahead, Tolga, say it. I dare you to let one rip."
Tolga shook his head and pulled out his phone as Ayça turned to Murat. Pulling him by the hand to sit next to her, she was briefly torn between which shoulder to rest on.
Both seemed willing to be her pillow. But Ayça quickly hatched a plan. Resting her head on Tolga's shoulder might make Murat give up on her.
A non-jealous type would be more inclined to let go. But she couldn’t rest her head on Murat's shoulder either; the "bird in the cage" thought would make him too comfortable.
So, she dismissed both options. Looking up at the tired boy, she sighed before asking.
"So, what are you up to, Murat?"
Murat, saying he was out for some air with a short response, seemed troubled.
Tolga, making it sound like he was talking to himself but loud enough for them to hear, complained to the air.
"Private tutors must be tough."
Hearing this, Ayça looked at Tolga first. Realizing he was serious, she turned to Murat with her eyes about to pop out in shock.
"You have private tutors?"
Murat glared at Tolga, angry for revealing this. He didn’t know how Tolga found out, but he didn’t like how it was disclosed. Murat was always ready to confront Tolga because he knew Tolga would lose the most in any conflict. That’s why their conversations always walked a thin line.
Tolga had started to care less about things he used to avoid. He was
leaving that high school anyway; he didn’t need to worry about Murat. Their time for long fights was over; Tolga would go to the central high school no matter what.
So, he went even further with confidence. "Don’t hide it, Murat, I know. Don’t worry, we won’t tell anyone."
Ayça was confused; having private tutors and studying more was a good thing, wasn’t it? In their high school, students who studied were envied by those who studied even more. If they told someone else, everyone would be jealous of Murat’s private tutors. Why would they need to keep it a secret?
Looking at both, she asked, "What if we don’t tell?"
Tolga explained, savoring the moment.
"If other students think he still can’t beat us in the rankings despite having private tutors, Murat’s pride will be hurt." Concerned, he leaned forward to see Murat better, moving Ayça out of his line of sight. "Should we worry about you, Murat?"
Murat took a deep breath. Sitting next to Ayça, she could see how tense and angry he became, realizing his weak spot. Murat responded insincerely, mimicking Tolga.
"Don’t worry, Tolga. Should I be concerned about your attention deficit and focus issues?"
Ayça immediately understood the comment about attention and focus issues was meant for her. She glared back angrily.
Unlike her anger, Tolga laughed. "Don’t worry... Just make sure it doesn’t stress you out and affect your studies..."
Ayça took a deep, loud breath, drawing their attention, then looked at them one by one before asking. "Do you want me to tell you a story?"
Both boys were baffled by how the topic shifted to something so unrelated. But Tolga, thinking of the series he watched, believed she could tell an instructive story. Curious, Murat asked, "What story?"
Irritated by the loss of sleep and their endless insulting banter, Ayça raised her voice.
"Any damn story! The important thing is you don’t beat each other up so I can make Tolga carry me."
Tolga, expecting an instructive tale, turned away when what came was a scolding rant instead of wisdom. He stood up, dusting off his pants. "Sorry, but that’s it for me, Apocalypse Pony." Then he walked away in the direction he came from.
"Hey, where are you going?" Ayça shouted after him but received no response, then cursed under her breath. "Damn it!" She knew Tolga wouldn’t respond.
Left alone with Murat, she turned to him. She had planned to play hard to get, hoping to make him chase her, but she didn’t even have the energy to stand, let alone run away. She looked at him pitifully.
"Murat? Do me a favor and lend me a hand. I’m struggling uphill like an old Tofaş."
His laughter at her words, and after a moment's hesitation, did something she didn’t expect. He turned his back to her and slightly bent his knees.
"Climb on."
Jumping at the offer, Ayça clambered onto his back, wrapping her arms around him joyfully.
"I’d go to hell with you."