-Present Day-
I could only watch them from a distance while they talked in front of the café. Their gazes never left each other for a moment. It felt like whoever looked away first would lose. I was worried. Even though I knew they were both amazing people, the anxiety inside me wouldn't go away.
Maybe right now, it was more likely they were sitting at a raki table and bickering. As I carelessly wiped the table, I kept watching them. I moved to a place where I could hear them better. But since I was also attending to customers, I couldn't listen too much.
As I took the orders and then collected the bill, maybe now I could listen to them secretly. When I got to the door's threshold, they hadn't even noticed me. I could faintly hear Eray's gentle voice. I crouched down and moved closer to the open windows to hear better. Finally, I stood in a spot where I could understand what they were saying.
"I have fought all my life to make my dreams come true. Despite the many challenges I faced since childhood, I was able to succeed thanks to the people by my side. One of the most influential people who helped me open the exhibition was Derin. Back then, I was someone who couldn't show what I was going through to anyone and didn't trust myself, but a few words from her made me stronger. Thanks to her, my uncertain future began to take shape. She... even if she doesn't know, she made many changes in me. She changed me... And now, because of her, I am the man sitting here."
His words warmed my heart. I allowed my eyes to fill with tears. The boy who didn't know emotions and couldn't show the emotions he felt had grown up. Even if I had touched his heart, the biggest change was made by himself. He forced himself to change. And he fought to become a better person.
"When I first met her, I thought she would be like the other women I met. That she would use my money and want to live in luxury. But she wasn't like that. When I first met her, she congratulated me for fulfilling the dream of a man she didn't even know and made me feel that I could achieve more. While a luxurious dinner would bore her, she was someone who would enjoy a cup of coffee listening to street musicians. And as I got to know her more, I couldn't help but fall in love with her."
And Hakan's words hurt my heart even more. While I wanted to support him and create better memories with him, I unintentionally hurt him because I didn't know it would turn out this way. "Derin is an amazing woman. I couldn't forget her for years and I don't think I ever will." Eray's sorrowful tone shook me even more. Hakan let out a small laugh.
"No matter how much I fought for her, I lost from the beginning, didn't I?"
He said these words as if they didn't hurt him. As I rested my head on my shoulder and pressed my hands to my chest, I thought, "A man who stayed with her for only a month... And a man who suddenly appeared years later defeated me this way." Eray was silent. Hakan's calm voice, trying to show he was fine, wasn't convincing.
"I don't blame Derin. In fact, sometimes I wished she hadn't waited for me and moved on with her life. But she still left that door open for me. She still gives me hope. I know it's very selfish, but thank you for giving her back to me."
A hand lightly tapped the table. As customers sent me strange looks, I smiled nervously at them. "Look, jerk! If you upset her! If you leave her again, I'll end you!" Hakan threw out his threat with another small laugh. "I always saw this in dramas, but I saw how she looked at you. How she cried at that exhibition..." He paused for a while. Then when the chair moved, I realized he stood up. As I fidgeted in my spot, he raised his voice.
"I guess you heard everything?"
I knew that question was directed at me. I made a face and got up from where I was sitting, looking at them as Hakan smiled and nodded. "Take good care of her." As I walked away from the table, I went out and caught up with him.
"Can we talk a bit?"
As we walked away from the café together, I thought about how I would stand in front of him. This man was perhaps the most understanding person I had ever known in my life. Wanting this man to stay in my life, would that still be a selfish desire?
"I don't know how to start."
"You don't need to start. From the beginning, there was no place for me in your heart. But despite that, I wanted to fight. I wanted to win you. This time I wanted to be the selfish one."
As he spoke, my eyes filled with tears. Hurting someone I loved was the last thing I wanted in life. And I had done that to a good man. "I'm sorry," I said as he snapped his fingers and made me lift my downcast face. "Don't apologize, in fact, be bad so I can get over it quickly."
I smiled at his joke. As I nodded, I pointed to the café without thinking. "This place is always open to you. Maybe... Maybe we can be friends?" He looked at me skeptically. But the reassuring smile on his lips didn't fade.
"Oh! What to do? As much as I want to think of you as a bad person, you seem to have filled your heart with all the goodness. I guess I should go. I swear there are problems at the company."
As he left my side, I stared after him. Running my fingers through my hair, I returned to my café. Right at the entrance, I saw the man of my dreams watching me. The man I had burned with for six years and whose fire I never wanted to give up. I knew that the hand reaching out to me would save me from all my troubles. And now, I had no obstacle to go to him.
Together, we went inside and continued to attend to the customers. With laughter and the words we said to each other, we ended the evening. As the last customer left the café, I started doing the checks. He was always waiting for me in front of the Van Gogh portrait I always sat by. As I approached him, he noticed me, but his gaze was still on the portrait.
"The first day I came here, I found myself next to you without thinking. You were sitting right here, talking to Van Gogh and eating snacks. At that moment, I realized you were very tired. I wanted to come to you then, but my feet wouldn't move. I wanted to hold and kiss your hands, but I couldn't reach you. I wanted to tell you, 'Everything is over,' but I couldn't get the words out. I was mad at myself then. I should have come to you earlier."
I moved closer to him. As I watched Van Gogh like him, I made my voice heard to him. "But you came. I never regretted waiting for you for years. If it were you, I could have waited a bit longer." As I placed my hand on his shoulder, he turned his head to look at me. His arms wrapped around my waist, and he rested his head on me.
"We were consumed by waiting the most. How true it is; our reunions were limping, our separations running at full speed. I promise you, no more waiting from now on. No more getting lost."
As my fingers ran through his hair, I felt a sense of peace fill me again. As another of the moments I had dreamed of came true, we stayed like that for a while longer.
Even when we left the café, he didn't let go of me. Even though it was an hour before midnight, he said he wouldn't let me go. At the end of the drive, we were in front of the exhibition I had visited before. As we went inside, I wondered if this was allowed.
At first, it was dark inside, but eventually, he found the lights and bathed us in light. Holding my hand, he led me around the pictures he had taken. Following him, the sound of our shoes echoed between the walls.
Photographer...
For years, we had called him that, and now he had truly become an artist. When I met him six years ago, I somehow believed he would become a real artist. When we became really close, he would stay up late at night showing me the photos he had taken, feeling better because he showed them to someone without hesitation for the first time. Back then, I would comfort him and shower his photos with praise. I always did it sincerely, sometimes adding my own thoughts.
Now, he had opened an exhibition for everyone to see the photo frames he had hesitated to show me. And he had kept his promise from years ago. The promise to let me know when he opened an exhibition. Back then, I had teased him about naming it, but now my pictures were hanging under that name. I had received the answer to the question I had wondered about for years. I was in the
black-and-white frames.
Whenever I imagined him; I would bring the words 'What if he forgot me?' to the end of the dream, making my insides eat away at me more. For years, it felt like I knew the end of the story, and I waited. And finally, that story happened. Those dreams came true. My feelings were now preparing to reach him.
"You finally achieved your dream."
As I traced my fingers around the photo frames, I spoke. He was a few steps ahead of me. "My dream waited for a very long time," he replied. Moving to the next photo, I spoke. "I still remember when you told me six years ago that you would open the exhibition and said, 'I'll let you know.'" I laughed with pleasure.
"But why didn't you give me the invitation yourself?" He shrugged. There was not much distance between us. If he reached out, he could catch me immediately. "I just... didn't want it to be a simple encounter. I wanted to impress you again." I laughed at his words and remembered the words he said when we went outside. Pretending to be all-knowing, I pouted. "Impress me again? When was the first time I was impressed by you?"
"Don't you remember? It was like this..."
He slightly turned around and, just like he did back then, as he was about to take off his glasses and toss his hair, I stopped him and prevented it. "No, don't ever do that again!" My voice was a mix of scolding and showing that I was sincere. I smiled and admitted. "The first time I was impressed by you wasn't then. When we went to the houses the first day, you were looking at the underprivileged families with such compassion despite everyone else there. It was as if you had lived such a life before and understood their troubles. Not just your photos, but even your looks touched people's hearts."
I smiled shyly and remembered myself at 21 years old. To avoid this feeling, I changed the subject and expressed my impatience to see the other photos he had taken. He held me for a short while at each frame and started explaining what he had experienced in each shot.
One photo showed the reeds he had shown me. Another picture was of seagulls flocked by the shore. At a certain point, there were also frames of him taken from behind in the places he visited. In one, he was looking at the mountains, in another the sea, and in another he was on a suspension bridge in the middle of a crowd. In one photo, he was on a snowy mountain slope. In the photo, he was wearing a white t-shirt, and his jacket was tied around his waist. It seemed like the weather was very hot, and he was just standing in a thin t-shirt. Showing the picture, I scolded him.
"Why are you standing in a t-shirt in the cold? You should take care of yourself. What if you got sick?"
He pouted his lips and thought for a while, unable to answer, then showed me his deep laugh and tried to get out of the situation. As I watched his laugh, I wished it would replace the last smile I had memorized at the airport. I kept thinking about how much I missed him over and over again.
"Watching the Moon Under the Starry Night. This is the combination of the two titles I told you. I can't believe you didn't forget."
"I haven't forgotten anything that had you in it."
His bold answer made my face blush. I bit my lip and avoided his gaze, smiling. Just in case, I turned my back so he wouldn't see my blushing face and started walking and looking at the other photos. During this time, as I pressed my cold fingers to my cheeks, I felt they were burning like fire. I kept repeating to myself, hoping they hadn't turned red.
When the first section ended and we came to the part where my photos were exhibited, I didn't want to stay with him with this feeling of shame. While I was standing at the entrance, he moved ahead of me and went inside. After turning around and smiling at me again, he waited for me to come in. I followed him inside and looked at my photos one by one again. "Did you like my stars?"
His sudden question caught me off guard. As I saw my photos hung around the moon, I knew my heart couldn't take much more. I was constantly struggling to collect my melting heart. "I think these are the most beautiful stars decorating my sky." He held one and watched. This frame was one of the photos he took of me on the street the day I got lost. Seeing my face, which was always on the verge of tears, I felt ashamed again. He was looking at me with much more admiration than I ever had for myself.
I coughed and remembered that day and asked him. "That day was really a crazy day," I said. Remembering those moments, I was now reminiscing with a sweet smile instead of tears. "Did you get lost on purpose that day?"
His only response was to nod with embarrassment and smile. I squinted my eyes and opened my mouth to scold him. "That day I was so scared we would never find our way back. I should have known from how calm you were!" He raised his hands as if surrendering. "I'm sorry, I just wanted to walk around with you a bit more."
"What? You could've just asked, 'I know the way, but can we walk around a bit more?'"
He bowed his head and simply replied, "I'm sorry." We continued moving through the exhibit and finally stood in front of a photo of me from a few days ago. Once again, I was glad to have figured out what that flash of light was.
That day, like many others, I was thinking of him and talking about him with Van Gogh. "You must really love Van Gogh?" I nodded. "Yes, I love him, but mostly because he reminds me of you. I don't know why..."
As he reached out and placed his hand on my cheek, I never stopped looking at him. After eagerly touring the exhibit and reminiscing about the days we spent together, he led me to the entrance. Before stepping up to the podium, he made sure I was standing right in the middle of the audience. Then he began to speak, hesitantly.
"I started taking photos years ago in my childhood. Because of some personal issues I had, I was a shy child who couldn't show his emotions. My mom was the first person to support me back then. I always remember the first time she gave me a camera, urging me to capture emotions, feel them, and live them. 'Grow and mature with the emotions in every frame you take. Agreed?' she said, and since that day, I found myself growing up while capturing those emotions."
"Taking photos continued like this for a while. When I began to show my emotions, I experienced a feeling I had never felt before: loss. During my high school years, I lost my mom. Losing her made me want to stop taking photos. But whenever I put the camera down, it felt like I was letting go of my mom's hand. I was like a lost little child in the middle of a crowd. To feel my mom's presence, I continued taking photos for a while. I didn't even think about displaying or showing them to anyone."
"One of the photos I took while joining groups, either for help or just traveling, made me start capturing emotions again. The fear and excitement on the face of a girl who was leaving her country for the first time with a charity organization. The way she looked around, standing out from the 30 people we were with, reminded me of the words my mom told me when I was a child."
"I only stayed with that girl for a month. Normally, I would have just learned about new lives and new places, and returned home with a few photos of unfamiliar faces and landscapes. But from the first moment I started taking her picture, I knew I couldn't stop. I had never encountered someone who couldn't easily hide their emotions. There she was, right in front of me."
As he reached out his hands to me, I bowed my head in embarrassment. Was I that easy to read? I pressed my fingers to my cheeks, waiting for the burning to subside. My heart started racing again. The person he was talking about was none other than me. After pausing to catch his breath, he smiled and captivated me once again. I smiled back at him without hesitation, letting my eyes fill with tears again. With every word he continued to say, I felt myself being drawn to him, falling for him more with each passing moment.
"I thought I would just be around her, capturing her emotions. But my thoughts deceived me. The more I saw her, the more I wanted to know her. I wanted the whole world to see every frame of her face, but at the same time, I wanted her to be just mine. I only had thirty days to take her photos. I couldn't stop the urge inside me. For the first time, I thought about holding a photo exhibition because of her. For the first time, I started thinking about the name of my photo exhibition because of her. For the first time, I began dreaming of showcasing the photos I took inside an exhibition hall because of her. And for the first time, I didn't want to be alone while doing all of this. I placed her face in every dream I had."
"In one month, I experienced many things with her and captured many moments of her. At the end of that month, I made a promise to myself. Thanks to her, I took the first step towards my dream of holding a photo exhibition today. For a long time, I intentionally got lost to take photos and wandered through the streets where real life was hidden to capture real emotions forever. But now..."
He stepped down from the podium and approached me. Holding my hands, he placed kisses on them, never taking his eyes off me. As he looked at me deeply enough to see into my soul, I took deep breaths to stay calm.
"I want to go on a journey." As he continued, the word 'journey' left his mouth and pierced my heart. The fear of him leaving again made my heart tremble. Just as I was about to object, he stopped me and continued. "The journey I want to embark on is not one I want to take alone. I'm wondering if you could come to me. I want to have beautiful days with you. Then, at night, I want to look into your sleepy eyes and say goodnight. I want to watch you as you sleep and know that you're happy. Every morning, I want to imagine your face and have you say hello to me. I feel like all the bad days are behind me when I'm with you. I want to get lost with you."
For a moment, I wanted to cry with every word he said without taking his eyes off me. I thought about how perfect all those beautiful words were and wanted to cry again, thinking about how wonderful he was. As he pulled his hands back, I looked at the weight I felt in my palm. As the ring, shaped like a circle emerging from the darkness into the light, greeted me, I exhaled. I let a tear fall and lifted my head to look into his eyes. Seeing the happiness in his teary eyes eased my worries. I reached out my hand to him, catching the falling tear and making sure my trembling voice reached him.
"Whenever I imagined your face, I never let any bad memories come between us. In our small world that belongs to us, you became my sky. With every step you took towards me, you chased away the dark clouds. Even just the thought of you made me happy. I promise you. Even on the most tiring nights, I will make the sun rise early, bring new hope, and protect you. No matter how much I want to watch the starry night under the moonlight with you, no matter how much I know you love the moon, I don't want it to stay over the darkness. I will get lost with you and find my way with you."
As I cried more, I started crying with happiness this time. As he reached out and wiped my tears, he placed kisses on my face. As he pulled me close and hugged me tightly, I knew my worries had gone far away like those dark clouds.
He was the sun for me. Even if the night covered me, his light somehow reached me through the moon. And when everything was over, at dawn, he was holding me. He kept us in a black-and-white frame without ever letting us fade.