"Even if you face great difficulties, don't fall into despair; everything will turn out well in the end. Also, no one can do exactly what they want at the beginning."
-Vincent Van Gogh
☁️
If you get tired of people's voices, listen to the clouds. They will be the lullaby that soothes your soul, whispering into your ear.
☁️⛅️☁️
My fingers clung to the cup I had set on the counter, while my eyes wandered over the map of the city I lived in. A month had passed since the accident. It had been a week since the search and rescue teams said they had tried everything possible but found nothing, and withdrew from their mission... I still couldn’t believe it. He was alive. I felt it, and I was ready to try every way possible to find him.
The cliff by the river where the accident happened, the shattered barriers... Even they had been fixed by now. The riverbed maintained its usual silence, and I couldn’t bear the thought of Miraç’s body possibly lying beneath it as a coverlet. After all, he knew how to swim... He had told me himself. He wouldn't drown.
"Ünseli?"
I lifted my head quickly at the sound coming from behind me. Nisan, after placing the bags she carried on the counter, smiled with a mask of hidden sorrow on her face as she always did. Whenever she saw me sad, she first approached with a smile and tried to make me smile too. Then, when she realized the seriousness of the situation, she would just hug me. And she knew that this hug worked better than a thousand words. But now, we were at the first step. She would smile and try to make me smile.
"When did you get here?" I asked.
She waved her key in the air before putting it back in her pocket. "Just now. I rang the bell several times, but you didn't notice. So I used my keys," she said, then murmured with her hand to her chin. "Actually, I wasn't going to immediately show you the key, but my arms were hurting from the bags."
"How long have you had that key?" I asked, smiling. Her face wore a "I've got this" expression, which made me smile this time.
"You smiled! Ha ha!" After another warm smile I gave, I sat down at the table next to the chair and rested my chin on my hand. Even if I didn’t respond, she understood very well that I was still communicating with her. "Are you hungry?" she asked while sorting through the bags. Without waiting for my reply, she continued as she began to stuff some groceries into the fridge nearby. "What kind of question is that? Your fridge is empty."
"I don't feel hungry," I replied.
"I doubt that. Even if you’re not hungry, you must have missed my cooking." She put her hand on her hip and turned to me, raising her eyebrows and closing her eyes. "Who wouldn't miss my cooking! Oh my God, I'm fabulous at this. Merih is so lucky!"
I paused. As I turned my gaze towards her while she leaned over the table, I tried to hide my expression from her. A breeze sneaking through the window was singing its unique song again. As the cold sun fractured its rays on the window, I turned my gaze to the clouds. "Listen to the clouds, Ünseli..."
Five years ago...
"What are you doing?" I asked him.
As he slowly closed his spread hands, he turned to me. "Listening to the clouds."
I laughed. I couldn’t comprehend how someone could be so full of life. How could someone who said he had lost all his loved ones one by one be at peace with life like this? He truly loved life, living up to his words. "What are they saying?" I asked this time, though I thought he wouldn’t catch the mocking tone in my voice, the look he sent me said otherwise.
He reached his hand back towards me, simply saying, "Come." His white shirt fluttered with the wind, and a few strands of hair fell over his eyes.
I looked at his extended hand for a moment. He waited patiently. As I touched his fingers, about to lift myself up from the warm sands, he let go of my fingers and placed his palm in mine. As he pulled my tightly gripped hand towards him, I found myself unexpectedly in front of him. The hand holding my other hand spread my arms wide, "Close your eyes," he said.
I closed them. At first, I just wanted the sounds filling my ears to end, but gradually, the wind turned into a melody. My furrowed brows relaxed. I didn’t question this time. I even wanted to live this moment fully. Perhaps for the first time in years, I felt truly free.
The wind passing through and leaving my arms brought the gentle song of the moving clouds to my ears. It was so beautiful... Even the sound of the sea I loved had receded into the background this time. I felt a tremor in my throat.
"Ünseli."
I blinked and opened my eyes, looking directly into Miraç's eyes. I hadn’t even noticed when he moved in front of me. Without causing any discomfort, he stood a couple of steps away from me. "They..." I whispered quietly. I was still under the influence of that sound.
"Isn’t it beautiful?" he asked.
"Yes."
"Life is beautiful, too." He straightened his lips and shrugged his shoulders. "Just let it... Let the world revolve around you, Ünseli. Let the clouds sing to you. Let the sea sing to you. Let the roads sing to you..." His brown eyes looked at me compassionately. A tiny light... The small light I caught in his eyes at that moment helped me see how big all the fractures in his unknown life were, and I realized how strong this man I had met a month ago was.
"I've never experienced anything like this before," I said, lowering my gaze.
"And a month ago, you also tried to commit suicide for the first time."
"How do you know it was the first time?" He smiled. Taking a deep breath, he lifted his head. His dimple formed again on his cheek as he walked past me and picked up his cardigan from the sand. "Miraç! How do you know?" I hastened after him. My slippers hindered my walk, but as I took them off and held them in my hand, I started running after him on the hot sand. "Miraç!"
Even when I reached him, he didn't look at me. Holding his cardigan on one shoulder with his finger, he smiled and walked on. Although the sand under my feet grew hotter, I tried to endure and sped up. Just as I got in front of him, he stopped. He looked at me and then at my feet. "How do you know?" I asked again. He was silent.
He slightly bent down, took the slippers from my hand, and knelt on one knee. The hands that gripped my ankle transferred the heat from the sand to my face in seconds. After slipping the slippers onto my feet, he stood up. "I didn't know. I guessed, and you confessed."
My lips parted involuntarily, reflecting the impact of his words. He had cleverly set a small trap, and I had given him the answer he wanted. "Y-you..."
"Would you like something cold to drink?"
"Miraç..."
"Ünseli?" He stopped and looked into my eyes. He smiled so beautifully that I suddenly forgot what I wanted to say.
I clenched my lips and swallowed, scolding myself. I couldn’t allow a man I had known for just a month to affect me like this. "There's no nice place around here," I said, averting my gaze and stepping beside him. I could still feel his eyes on me.
"You haven’t been here for a long time, have you?"
"I have been."
"You're lying." He laughed. His teeth posed under his thick lips as I once again caught that strange feeling. The depth of his dimple seemed to block the sun hitting my forehead.
I quickly averted my gaze. "No, I'm not lying," I lied, determined not to fall for his game again.
"Ünseli... I live here. And I've never seen you here before." My steps halted again. While I thought I was escaping, I was caught again, this time more profoundly... As I felt him approaching, I wanted to look at him, but I averted my gaze. "Let's get something cold to drink," he said, looking at me. His tall frame blocked the sun hitting my face. "I don't think the redness on your cheeks is from the sun."
"I'm sinking into the ground."
"I like your candidness, Ünseli." He continued walking ahead, waving one hand.
"Miraç!" I blushed even more. My raised voice made him stop and come back to me.
His smile never faded as he shielded my eyes from the sun with his hand. "I was just joking," he said calmly. "Come on. Let's go have a drink. We've gotten quite hot."
I averted my eyes from his hand next to my head and managed to say, "Okay."
As he lowered his hand and stepped next to me, we continued walking together in sync. "Something tells me we'll get along very well, Little Mermaid. Miraç and Ünseli. They'll get along just fine."
