Chapter 20: The Trump Cards
My fingers trembled as they passed over my scalp. I was grinding my teeth. My gaze, wandering around the dungeon, stopped at Çağın standing in front of the bars, looking at me as if trying to analyze my mood. I was furious, but somehow expressing it outwardly was being restrained. Maybe Hesna eliminating herself was a solution that worked in my favor. Yet, there was an unfading anger inside me. I couldn't digest her smiling at me while planning to sell my soul.
"It turned out better this way..." he murmured, supporting our long gaze with his words.
"She didn't pay for what she did." When I hissed through my teeth, his eyelashes trembled. The emotion passing through his eyes was the same as a father looking at his daughter who's on the wrong path. I didn't want to see those looks; I wanted him to understand me. If I were to be judged while the taste of betrayal was on the tip of my tongue, it would hurt like never before.
"If we're going to proceed based on what you've done, you're more guilty." His bold words echoed off the stone walls when what I really wanted was to fall to my knees, crying, begging for him to hug me. But I didn't. I swallowed my grief, trying not to show it to him.
Before responding, I laughed mockingly. "Oh really?" I said disdainfully. "She planned to kill me, betrayed me, and I'm the one who's more guilty, is that it?"
"Why can't you see your own actions!" he raised his voice, and I screamed as loud as I could, "What have I done!"
"You stole someone's bound fantasy, you literally bribed a noble for it! Is this your justice, your merit?" His forehead veins were pulsating. His facial features tensed, eyebrows furrowed, lips puckered. His eyes betrayed shattered trust and his gestures harbored anger. A few more words dripped from his breath filled with disappointment: "And there you are, accusing her of betrayal for thinking about killing you, not even looking at your own misdeeds because you're aware of everything you've done!"
My hand, trembling with anger, flew to my mouth to stop my anger-induced laughter. While betrayal weighed on my shoulders, I wanted someone close to support me, to hold my hand. I wasn't sure if this bitterness had made its place on my face, but I couldn't catch any compassion in Çağın's gaze.
Was he right, was I the one at fault?
I felt trapped. It was as if my future had become a tear, flowing back to this moment from its past. While everyone seemed to have joined Hesna's side, I was writhing in inability to explain myself. It seemed like everyone was resisting understanding me, my paranoid fears, and my disappointments!
"Betrayal doesn't only occur with action!" I screamed, with my unyielding anger. "It can also be committed with thought!"
Don't all people do that anyway?
"I've talked so much but you've only picked up on Hesna's mistake." He stepped forward, closing the distance between us. When he lowered his head and I raised mine to meet his gaze, he said, "Tell me, why do you ignore your own actions?" his warm breath moved from my cold cheek to my numb lips.
"I," I emphasized the word. "Whatever I did, I did it for Elysian."
"Hmm," he hummed mockingly, raising his eyebrows. "Were you thinking of Elysian when you stole the fantasy from Ravi and took Arya to your palace, or were you thinking of your throne?"
Pushing him by the shoulders, I yelled, "Realize you're standing in front of a heir, you foolish noble!" My rage almost tore my throat apart.
"Then the heir should realize the stupidity of their actions!" he kicked the bars, his shout much more powerful than mine. Our argument heated up even more.
All I wanted from him was understanding; I hadn't done anything wrong, but he was resisting seeing that! This time, I pushed him by pressing my index finger to his chest. "Your family might have been granted privileges because of my mother, but know your limits!"
His eyes narrowed, and his nose wrinkled, the derisive laughter that flowed from his lips was quite hurtful. Shaking his head, he muttered as if talking to himself, "What brought you to this state?"
After fixing his gaze back on me, he continued speaking: "Okay..." he said. "You're right, I overstepped." There was not a single emotion passing through his eyes. His face had become expressionless and suddenly calm, like a sea that realized it couldn't hurt me with its waves and decided to punish me with its still waters. If his goal was to hurt me, he was choosing the right path. The anger I couldn't vomit and everything I couldn't express were growing inside me. The worst part was, for the first time, looking up close into those amber eyes without seeing me being seen.
Just before he started stepping back, he said, "Excuse me..." I couldn't respond because, with his third step, he teleported himself to Earth and disappeared.
As I let myself fall to my knees, crying convulsively, I didn't know the reason for my tears.
***
Dawn had broken, but we had yet to taste sleep. Our swollen eyes held more than just the fatigue of one night. Our grim faces couldn't bear the scream of the miniature echoing in their heads anymore. It smelled of tears, blood flowed, screams didn't cease, and it was so strong that we could feel it with our souls.
This was a calamity bigger than the last we experienced. So much so that when I ordered, "I command the cessation of emotion cultivation!" this time, Arel didn't object. Maybe he too thought this was the only solution, or maybe he was now afraid to express his opinion to me. I don't know. Since Hesna left, our communication has been severed. I command, they obey. Actually, it's been like this for the past nine days, but the centuries I've lived seem like mere seconds compared to my last nine days.
"The first day, there was a lot of commotion." said Alven to my left.
"Not being able to cultivate their emotions was very hard for them..." Arel explained from my other side. Both were following me from a couple of steps behind. Behind them, thirty guards were walking in three lines.
"As you ordered, we surrounded the field with guards, informed Renan that even if emotions are planted, they won't be accepted until further orders. We've given the guards instructions to arrest those who insist on planting their emotions..." Alven continued to inform as we reached the residential area.
I had lifted my chin. Unintentionally, I was tensing my shoulders, causing my neck to hurt and my chest to tighten. My eyebrows were furrowed. When we entered the street, the children running away in fear might have been due to my expressionless demeanor. However, the adults who pulled their children into their houses and slammed the doors were definitely not related to my expressionless state.
Within a few seconds, the street was deserted. The curtains of the houses were
drawn, completely cutting off their connection to the street. I stopped walking. Those behind me also stopped.
The sun had already illuminated the sky. The calamity of the miniature wandering the deserted streets was frightening. The people turning their backs on me... was ingratitude. Despite everything I did for them, they were mourning Hesna, chaining calamity to Earth. And Earth was officially sending it back to us through the miniature.
I had been sleeping restlessly. They were not accepting the betrayal I suffered; they were fixated on the wrong I did, seeing me as the culprit. Yet, all I had done was think of them!
If I'm not understood, I should change my way of explaining. I changed it.
Realizing I didn't want to stay on the street any longer, I teleported myself to my room without saying anything to the others. I went to bed. Touching my fingertips to my ears, I whispered the magical words, and I was deaf to the sound of the miniature. I closed my eyes and let myself into a deep sleep.
***
"At this rate, I won't have to try hard to dethrone you." He spoke mockingly, then started chewing the red meat he had just put in his mouth. I leaned back, watching him soften the bite with wine and laugh heartily with great pleasure. After swallowing his bite, he grumbled like a petulant child, "But then it loses all its fun!"
"Why did you come?" My voice came out more distant than usual, amplifying the happiness on his unappealing face. His yellow eyes glowed with the torch of victory. The snake tiara on his head was more splendid than usual. The yellow drapes falling over his shoulder seemed to add to his stature. I noticed that Eva seemed to grow stronger each time I saw her.
"I wanted to visit my little sister." He widened his smile on his lips. "By the way... I don't want you to think that I'm mourning Hesna like the others, I'm on your side, little sister."
Despite his overt mockery, all I could do was clench my teeth and swallow my anger. I didn't have the strength to dive into another argument, especially as the sound of the miniature grew louder by the second...
We had gotten used to our ears being assaulted by screams, as if we couldn't hear them if we claimed so. There was a smell of blood, but we had become so desensitized that you could say it was the climate of murder here. Actually, everything seemed fine, well... I guess.
"I haven't seen Çağın around you lately..." he said, then his gaze suddenly found me. "Don't tell me he also thinks you're wrong!" he feigned surprise. He shook his head. "I can't believe it."
In the dining room, sitting at this large table, watching the fool across me speak so frivolously. I wanted to roll my eyes but maintained my expressionless demeanor. I knew he enjoyed these states of mine, and to prevent giving him more material, I stood up. "If you have nothing more important to say, don't come."
He giggled mockingly. "Don't be like that... Don't I have the right to see the results of the important things I've said?"
"You're proud of this, aren't you?" I blurted out, unable to hold back any longer. "Being the cause of this state, the cause of the paranoid fears in my head!"
After spearing the last piece of meat on his plate, he lifted it into the air. His eyebrows rose, his mocking demeanor vanished. In a very serious tone, he said, "I didn't do anything..."
I couldn't stop my laughter from turning into chuckles, which then turned into a gale of laughter. My eyes were watering. That feeling of being trapped enveloped me once again. I had a trump card in my hand that could free me from all this, and I had become so afraid to use it. What if I used it too early and found myself unprepared for a harder situation, or what if I lost what I had because I used my trump card too early? What if they, too, were waiting for me to use all my trump cards while I waited for their plans to run out?
Breathing shakily, I lifted my chin. I was about to part my lips to speak my final words when the door to the dining room opened. One of the guards entered the room and bowed to me before saying, "Iris has arrived, she has something to say to you along with Arel."
Leaving the side of the chair, I stepped towards the door, saying, "Call Çağın as well and bring them all to the throne room." The anticipation of receiving the news I had been waiting for excited me. For ten days, we had been trying to find out who came to Earth in place of the Universe and where it went. Although I couldn't pay much attention due to the Hesna issue, it was constantly on my mind. As Eva noticed my sudden change in mood and followed me, I didn't stop her.
When I entered the throne room, Arel, Iris, and Alven were already there. As I sat on my throne, Eva also started to stand by their side.
"I'm listening," I said, spreading my hands wide. But they couldn't speak because the door opened and Çağın entered. It was the first time we had met since our fight, and his expressionless face was already irritating me. He nodded to me and then stood between Iris and Arel.
Alven stepped forward when my gaze found him. "We investigated all the albino patients. There was no suspicious situation. We couldn't obtain anything related to Felin."
I slowly nodded my head, slightly puckering my lips, and my gaze, which I had fixed on the ground, narrowed. She couldn't hide her blessed beauty, so she couldn't be on Earth. That meant either her lifeless body had already decomposed into the soil of Earth, or she had already arrived in Elysian.
Lifting my gaze from the ground to Iris, I said in a threatening tone, "I hope there is now progress regarding the person who came to Earth in place of the Universe."
She curved her lips upwards and nodded affirmatively. "After coming out of the curtain, she was greeted in Elysian by Bilun."
My eyebrows rose. There it was, the move I had been waiting for. My lips curled up, and to not miss her reaction, I turned to Eva. Her eyebrows were furrowed; she hadn't bothered to hide her thoughtful expression.
Instead of watching her, I stood up. I had a big feeling that this was going to end today. "We're going to Bilun," I commanded, standing up.
"If we teleport ourselves directly to Bilun's house from the curtain, it will be faster," Iris suggested. I nodded in agreement. While Çağın sent himself to the curtain as its master, Iris, touching Arel and Alven, whispered a few magical words. Seconds later, they disappeared.
I didn't delay either. Saying, "Paraiso kolasi," I found myself opening my eyes in Bilun's house.
Eva, who teleported herself right after me, was also by my side a few seconds later. We were right in the middle of
the cave with the holes, under the ocean that served as our sky, causing our shadows to sway in the dim blue light.
A owl, flying over us, grazing the water, circled above Eva and me three times before entering the highest hole. Thus, Bilun, being informed of her visitors, appeared before us within seconds. She wore a bright fabric blue dress that wrapped around one shoulder. Her yellow hair was tied up, highlighting her arched eyebrows and the owl tattoo in her eye socket.
With a joyful smile that she carried in her voice, she said, "Uninvited guests..." She tilted her head slightly over her right shoulder. "I love them."
"I can't even lie that convincingly," Eva chuckled, joining in her laughter, though I refrained from doing so.
Meanwhile, several bodies fell from the sky above us, our sky made of water. Probably because they had sent themselves with crucifixes, they fell groaning onto our hillside. It took them a few minutes to gather themselves and stand by our side.
Eva, nudging my arm, said, "Our dear sister is overjoyed," continuing her amusement.
Bilun, scanning everyone with her gaze, obviously understood the reason for our raid. Yet, she continued to smile without showing it.
"Then you'll serve us tea?" I stepped forward and asked.
Without turning her gaze from Eva to me, Bilun said, "Of course." She led us to the room where we had previously had tea with her. While Arel and Alven examined the bookshelves, the others sat around the table.
Bilun distributed the tea from the porcelain teapot into our cups when Çağın broke the silence, saying, "I used to see a few people stealing sugar from restaurants on Earth."
"People are greedy for everything except knowledge," Bilun said, putting the teapot aside and sitting down.
"No human within the system that forces them to be greedy is guilty," Çağın replied, not looking at me even though his words were directed at me. Ignoring his existence, his words aimed at me.
"Every human who excuses the system instead of changing it is guilty," Iris joined the conversation.
Alven took his cup from the table and stood a few steps away from us, and everyone watched him.
Arel also took his cup and moved in front of the bookshelf, breaking the silence: "We can't ignore humans who don't have the power to change the system."
Iris responded: "Those who divided themselves into the powerful and powerless are the humans themselves..."
"Still, a black-skinned human born as a slave because of a so-called noble white-skinned human is not at fault," Çağın said, taking a sip of his tea.
"Don't worry..." Eva intervened sarcastically, raising her hand and randomly waving it at Bilun. "We didn't come here to talk about these things; we'll talk about more entertaining things."
Bilun raised her eyebrows, widening her pleasant smile. "What's this entertaining topic?"
With a mild tone, I said, "Your approval of me." I stated confidently. They might have found my entry to the topic irrelevant - maybe because they didn't expect me to start from here - and looked at me blinking.
"You know..." I continued. "It was my father who declared me the heir, so my becoming the ruler was his last order." I took my cup in hand and stood up. "I've been waiting for you to approve of me, but I don't think I can wait any longer, you know you have to approve of me."
Of course, she knew, and she had made her plans accordingly. I was smiling as I brought the cup to my lips. The warm liquid flowing down my throat added to my enjoyment. Bilun also stood up and positioned herself directly in front of me. Let it spill...
"Come on..." I challenged. "Let's settle this now."
I stood arrogantly in front of her, my arms crossed under my chest. She had a fixed smile on her face. She was looking at me with maturation. "Alright..." she murmured. "I suppose I should make a speech now."
She took two steps back to be at a distance where she could see everyone. "When we were sent to Earth..." she started. "I knew no matter what I did, I wouldn't be chosen as the heir. That's why I stole knowledge from societies that despised it, justice from a meritless system, punishing them with the lack of what they disdained. Of course... I had to secure myself as well."
It didn't seem like she was making the speech required before approving me, so everything was going exactly as I thought.
Everyone, curious about the continuation of her speech, focused all their attention on her. Chewing my lower lip from excitement, I waited for her to reveal whatever she planned. Therefore, none except Alven noticed someone approaching from behind. "Dawn?" he asked, looking over his shoulder towards the entrance of the room.
Her satin, spaghetti-strapped dress matched her hair color as she walked up to us. When she stood by our side, my gaze caught the owl tattoo on her cheek. I laughed sarcastically, not bothering to hide it this time. How confident they were that this would end today. If I wasn't about to bury them under the rubble in a few moments, the thought of being crushed under their mockery would infuriate me. The excitement of ending everything in minutes eased me out of my shock and helped me adopt an indifferent demeanor.
"You knew which body I was in on Earth."
The calm and mature smile settled on her lips.
Astonished, Arel interjected, "No one knew except Çağın and our late sovereign!"
"I didn't tell anyone." Çağın spoke firmly and clearly, not even looking at me. Their astonishment was not my concern.
"You placed your daughter by my side, used Şafak's help to get news about me," I continued to reveal her plan. "When the time came, you would use the ankh to bring your daughter to Elysian, but granting a villager magical rights made your job even easier."
Without giving Bilun a chance to respond, I turned to Vera with a mocking laugh. "So that was the reason for your admiration that day, not because you were meeting someone, but because you were so happy about your grandfather's death."
"I told you I would have a lot to tell you." she shrugged and continued to laugh cheekily.
Copying her smile onto my lips, I laughed seconds later. Considering it, it made sense that my soul found which body it was in on Earth. Orphans are the same everywhere in the universe. Orphans write themselves, read themselves, live themselves, sustain themselves. True orphans are always surrounded by a crowd because they are 'nobody' in the midst of the crowd. My father had hidden me in orphan - in human terms, orphaned - bodies while I was on Earth. It must have been quite easy for Bilun to guess this. I tilted my head slightly and laughed as I thought about it. I wasn't sure what flowed through my chuckles, whether I didn't notice them because I was angry at myself, or because I was shocked and saddened when looking at Vera right now. Actually, I didn't care what I felt.
Just...
How could my father make such
a mistake?
He could if he did it intentionally.
I clenched my teeth. I had thought he trained me in those bodies where he hid me. I thought he left me orphaned to find out who I was, to learn to take responsibility, he hid me to protect me!
Looking at Şafak while holding back tears, Alven's belief in Şafak's loyalty, Vera's cheekiness, Bilun's drunkenness with the taste of victory, Eva's indifference to people but not to the goal, Iris's confused thoughts about which side to be on as she didn't know, I could understand what my father aimed for.
All my father did was make me an open target, by fostering hatred towards me from my siblings, strengthening them, and pushing emotion cultivation in Elysian to its highest level. He was a true ruler. If that guard hadn't entered my body and met me on my first night in Elysian, using me for this purpose might have made me hate him.
"You have rulership in your blood," he had whispered in my ear. He knew, I was the only one who wouldn't hesitate to do what he did. Because he knew, not even Eva could be as ruthless as a ruler. He knew, not even Hesna could be as sacrificial as a ruler. He knew, justice worked differently for Bilun than for rulers.
To be a ruler, one doesn't need to be right or wrong. In every part of the universe, those who don't fit into right or wrong are rulers.
"You are a very rare soul," he had told me. My soul was rare, like those of every ruler whose profile comes to mind when their names are mentioned.
"In this war, you will struggle a lot, I'm giving you a piece of my soul for you to succeed, my beautiful heir," he whispered into my womb. "Exchange me for the Holy Spirits and..." he touched my stomach. "Use this at the right place, at the right time."
My lips curled up with the thrill of victory. A wind blew. Everyone's hair fluttered. The soul of my father, which they thought was lost, was near me, hidden in my womb, waiting for its time. My father had refused to become a Holy Spirit for me and gave me an heir with his soul.
A guest soul settled in my womb, started to grow. When I touched my now evident belly, they all looked there, trying to understand what was happening.
"Since today is a day to meet someone..." I caressed my belly. "Meet your niece."
