Chapter 19: Exile of Love and Loyalty
My soul returned to my body in Kaira. Çaput had formed a new bond with me after breaking its seal with Hesna. I felt the image of Ravi being drawn on my neck, accompanied by a ticklish pleasure and a burning sensation that pushed my pain threshold. After wrapping around my neck like a scarf, I immediately teleported myself next to Hesna. It hadn't taken me long to digest her approval, since she had planned to kill me when I became the ruler. I had already sensed the signals from Eva.
For a brief moment, I thought Eva, whom I believed had wronged me, was actually casting doubt within me for my own good, but that thought didn't last long. If she had succeeded in dethroning me, Hesna would have been her new target. Silly her, thinking only of herself, she would never benefit from this move because I wouldn't even let her near the throne once I was the ruler.
I appeared in the mine where Hesna lived, the same as the last time I visited. She was standing in the middle of a stone cave underground. The purple light from the minerals in the tunnel I had crawled through to get here before was filtering into the cave.
I was sure she knew why I had come, and she knew that I knew. Yet, there was a calm smile on her face. The purple light from behind me highlighted the diamonds on her face. I must have looked different in her tulle dress, as I was imagining her wearing a purple shroud.
The incompetent killer has arrived.
"Haven't you cleaned up this place yet?" I said, unable to hide the implication in my voice. "Are you waiting for someone, to tidy up together?"
Clearly, she showed no fear in saying, "Yes..." Her gaze wandered to the Çaput on my neck. Her smile widened, and when she blinked, sparkles fell from her eyelashes.
"I don't want to prolong this, Hesna." As I approached her, she didn't step back. Standing right in front of her, I extended my open palm. "Give me the ring."
"No..." she giggled in between.
"You know very well I can take it if I want," I threatened.
While moistening her lips with her tongue, she twirled a strand of hair around her index finger. She kept swaying lightly in place, continuing to smile. Then everything happened so quickly. The Çaput on my neck appeared on hers. Hesna, taken aback by this attack, tried to step back but hit the wall. Then she fell face down. The sound of the ring, under her finger, hitting the diamonds on her face echoed in the room. As I walked toward her motionless body on the ground, I felt a stirring inside me. Keeping my lips curled upward was becoming quite difficult.
After sliding my foot under her shoulder, I flipped her onto her back. Looking down at her statue-like body from above, her lips, which I had always seen with a constant smile, were now straight, her expressions frozen. Her eyes were on me, but she couldn't blink or turn her gaze elsewhere.
Bending down, I lifted her hand by the wrist and removed the ring, letting it fall to the ground. I lifted the ring, frowning at it. The pact she had made with the Holy Spirits must have been inside this precious stone. Amidst a few mocking giggles, I slid the ring onto my own finger.
When I reached down to take the Çaput again, her rigid state dissolved. She began thrashing on the spot as she gasped for air, coughing out the breaths she had been holding. The thought of her wanting to put me in this state made me unable to suppress my passionate smile.
Rising on one elbow and tilting her body to the right, she gave herself time to breathe. At this moment, one end of the Çaput was tied to my wrist. The other end rose up, passing right through the center of my palm and extending up to my middle finger. A few seconds after it slightly curved, the Çaput transformed into a dagger welded to my wrist.
"You wanted to kill me..." I murmured, and she managed to turn her gaze to me. It didn't take long for her to bite the inside of her cheek upon noticing the dagger in my hand. Her lips slightly puckered, her eyes widened a bit. The silent room was now filled with the sound of her swallowing.
As she pushed herself up with her hands and stood, her knees slightly bent, she was on guard, facing me. She was waiting for me to make the first move. When I took a step towards her, she stepped back diagonally. Our eyes locked. While the forest in my greens was burning, the stars in her purple sky were falling one by one. We both clenched our jaws, the veins in our necks pronounced. Circling each other, all we did was a show of force, and it was meaningless.
The moment I raised the dagger, she quickly moved her left palm to her face, turning diamonds towards me, but nothing fell from her palm except a few specks of diamond dust. I frowned, lowering the dagger. As she looked at her palm in surprise, the breath of the woman of love and loyalty quickened. This wasn't supposed to happen; she could perform magic and fight with magic. My frowning eyes quickly understood the situation when they found the Çaput turned dagger. The Çaput had just absorbed the power of its former ally for its new ally.
A laugh mixed with mockery and faux pity escaped my lips. Hesna's gaze returned to me. As I slowly stepped towards her, the disappointment on her face returned to its usual cheerful state. When I grabbed her by the collar, a few giggles spilled from her smiling lips. "You're going to die, foolish one..." Even when I mocked her, her laughter did not fade.
So, this is what it feels like to kill love...
Smile one last time.
As I raised the dagger, ready to plunge it into her chest, her giggles turned into words. "Paraiso kolasi," she uttered, teleporting both of us.
Love and loyalty tell a story:
It smelled of blood. I remember my little hands wandering over my mother's face. As I moved closer to hug her, I realized the smell was emanating from her tears. My father's war with the World was ravaging my mother's soul.
She had vowed to hope until only one star remained in the sky. And when that last star remained, she would become its companion. In the heart of the sky, two dead souls would weep for the extinguished souls.
Just a few days ago, she had laid me on her knees, braiding my hair to the tune of hymns. "You are different," she had whispered into my ear. "When the Holy Spirits left you in my womb, they were filled with love, my beautiful child," she had said. We were happy, but it was short-lived. Everything changed so quickly.
I gazed in awe at her white hair, thin eyebrows, and milk-white skin for the last time. I knew I was sending her to her death, yet I smiled. "I am with you, mother," I had said. "I think
you are right."
If I could go back to that moment now, I would tell little Hesna, your mother wasn't right, dear; your mother was in love.
The dagger pressing into my left chest brought a meaningful smile to my lips.
You were different too, mother; this universe could neither contain our love nor accommodate it. It was my father who looked at you from behind the dagger pressed into your heart, and it was his heir who looked at me. Can you believe it, mother, our murderer is the same.
"You were going to take the heir's life!" shouted the loveless heir. The love in the hearts of the surrounding crowd had closed its eyes, hiding behind their souls. Fear was filling the void created by love, and hate was being carried by the void created by love.
Thank you for opening your heart's doors to love, and thank you for closing them.
"This is a betrayal to Elysian!" My gaze lifted from the dagger in my chest to find the Elysian Heir. The scent emanating from her red hair was the mystery of fear, anger ignited in her movements, and love was dying in her breaths.
"This is betrayal to you, loveless heir, not to Elysian," I said with a smile. The music flowing from my voice was composed at times when love met sorrow.
"It's the same thing!"
"The means and the end are not the same thing, loveless heir."
She squinted her eyes. Her haughty laughter expelled the love inside her. "You're like our mother, will you soon excuse your betrayal with your love as well?"
My laughter rang out with a few nightingales: "My love, not my excuse; my love, your excuse."
She increased the pressure of the dagger, the cold metal piercing my dress and touching my skin. The look in her eyes was familiar, her trust broken, her pride hurt. She was disappointed because she didn't know all these were part of love.
I smiled. Centuries passed this way. They couldn't grasp the meaning of love; they simplified it. Children smiling despite bare feet pressed against concrete were love. Those who were deceived by the smile on their faces and didn't see their feet... They were the ones who misunderstood love terribly. They were disloyal enough to define the tears that came with love as pain.
"You will pay for this, I..."
"Calm down a bit!" Suddenly appearing beside us, Çağın had grabbed the Elysian Heir's dagger-wielding hand. He was breathless, beads of sweat rolling down his temple. His forehead was wrinkled, his voice anxious.
The heir, ignoring him, increased the pressure of the dagger. A little more, and blood would flow.
When Çağın tightened his grip on the heir's wrist, his knuckles became pronounced. "The people are watching," he hissed between his teeth, and my brother's gaze first found him, then the crowd forming a circle around us. His eyes changed instantly, seeing them for the first time.
When Çağın took the dagger from his hand, the heir was still looking at the people. He was observing the fear and the lost trust in their eyes.
This scene was all too familiar for the people as well. They were watching the lover of their man killing their mother. Then they relived my father killing that man on Earth, how this murder led to a curse by God and the creation of a war, how during the war, he abandoned his people and hid in his palace. They weren't afraid of dying; they were afraid their children would live what they had lived.
For them, my father was the perfect ruler, and my mother was the traitor. Everyone blamed my mother, and I blamed everyone who blamed her. Now, I had become my mother.
My brother, wanting to be absolved by the people, loudly began to recount our hostility: "Hesna, the representative of love and loyalty, fell in love with a human during the test we were subjected to on Earth, dear people."
The poison of the false ivy in his voice was disappointment. "Upon returning to Elysian, she made a pact with the Holy Spirits to resurrect her lover who died on Earth. When I became the ruler, she planned to kill me and exchange my blessed soul for the cheap soul of a human."
He took a deep breath. Without giving the people a chance to grasp his previous words, he raised his voice, "Don't worry, dear people!" he continued. "I will make her pay for her betrayal to Elysian."
I shouted as loud as I could, "I did not betray Elysian!" "I only thought of betraying one person! The heir is not Elysian; the heir is one from Elysian."
I don't remember clearly, mother, did you shout like this?
The Elysian Heir's green eyes were fixed on mine. Her cheekbones were more pronounced due to her tightened muscles. I had never seen her this angry before.
A cheeky smile spread across her lips, whatever came to her mind, she knew it was not true. But she also knew very well that she could get rid of me with this untrue idea.
"Even though you declared your loyalty to me, you betrayed me. I cannot allow you to remain the representative of loyalty."
"I haven't committed an act of betrayal against you!"
"You thought of betrayal, you planned betrayal!"
When small humans started coming to Elysian, I asked them about their biggest regrets. "I punished people for things they thought of doing but didn't do, I punished people as if they did things they didn't even think of, I punished everything that was contrary to my benefit, and I did all this while smiling at the people," they had said.
The heir smiled at the people. "Ensuring your safety, preserving your peace is my duty. Do not worry, this woman will pay the price for her betrayal."
***
My watch had stopped ticking a long time ago.
I didn't know how long I had been in this dungeon, but I guessed a day had passed. My stomach was churning with hunger, and I was sleepy.
There was a hole in the left side of my dress from the dagger. My wandering finger fell on my knee, which I had pulled toward my stomach. At this point, I didn't care what they would do to me, but the waiting part was starting to hurt.
I was trying to digest my failure in this narrow cell behind the bars. The hope born of my love still ignored my current state; the mature side of my love had long accepted what was to come.
The sound of metals clashing against each other echoed in the tower where the dungeon was located. The large door below must have opened. I pressed my hands to the ground and stood up. I took small steps toward the bars and waited for the person coming up the stairs.
When Çağın appeared on the stairs with a tray in his hand, I smiled. When he looked up and saw me behind the bars three steps away, he smiled back. Unlike mine, his smile was bittersweet.
He cleared his throat with a cough. "You must be hungry..." he mumbled, taking the tray in one hand and coming closer to me. He unlocked the door and entered.
After I sat down on my knees and leaned my back against the bars, he placed the tray in my lap and
sat opposite me, also on his knees.
I placed the tray on the ground between us. The smell of the food made my empty stomach nauseous. I was accustomed to hunger but didn't know how to feed my hungry, aching stomach a heavy meal.
"You..." he began to speak, but his lips caught each other. Trying not to show his feelings, he looked at me, but I had already read his heart. His love and sorrow were intertwined in the sea of hopelessness.
"Did you love him so much?" he suddenly asked.
I smiled.
"Was it worth this state?"
I giggled.
"Don't, Hesna, aren't you afraid at all?"
With all my tiredness, I sincerely scanned his eyes.
"First..." he said. "He planned to kill you, thinking he could manage without love. He kept saying there are thousands of people on Earth who live on without loving themselves. He said there are many people who don't know love."
But everyone has tasted love. Even those who say they love nothing either love themselves very much or their pride.
"Then he gave up on that idea, by himself. He didn't even ask for our opinion. He's planning to kill the love in the universe and deciding it all on his own... I don't understand how he could become like this."
My great uncle was the happiest being in the universe when he learned that my mother had fallen in love with a human. They were powerful because they belonged to a noble family that could travel between Earth and Elysian. When they placed their little girl in the heart of the ruler, all birds sang for their happiness, and the sun illuminated only their home. They buried themselves in their own light and forgot the name of darkness. After a while, my uncle became blind to the light too. He was jealous of my mother. But he never showed it. My mother continued to visit her brother often, getting excited while talking to him. She smiled as she told him everything. Her children, her songs, her books, herself, her ruler, and one day, her love...
When my uncle heard about my mother's human lover, he went to my father. The only thing he told him was that he saw his beloved sister more in love these days than ever. Innocent words; they grew, grew, and grew in a suspicious heart...
My father watched my mother and met betrayal.
My mother was tainted with betrayal and met love.
Even though everyone thought otherwise, my father's weakness was not my mother, but his pride.
My father killed my mother. One death created many graves. My uncle thought he would become stronger by removing his sister from the equation, but he died in the war. My father had to send his children to Earth for the throne. Waiting behind the curtain to go to Earth, I wondered: "I don't understand, how did we get to this point?"
"You won't be killed, but..." he said after a long silence. "You will be exiled, and only he will know your place."
I took the fork in my hand and pierced the meat. He was watching me as I quietly brought it to my mouth. I began to chew the small piece. My stomach had already indicated it wouldn't accept this bite, the bite seemed to grow in my mouth. I closed my eyes and swallowed with difficulty, a few tears trickled down as I kept my eyelids closed.
A lightning flashed outside, the purple light seeped in through the small window and reflected on my cheekbone.
I stood up without opening my eyes. Çağın, still sitting, looked at me; I looked at my ringless finger.
I smiled. "What happens when love is sad?"
"Does it cry?" he said, looking at my tears.
I shook my head. "When love is sad, the universe cries."
The sound of sudden heavy rain was heard.
"What happens when love is angry?"
He swallowed. "What happens?"
"The universe cries."
While removing the solitaire hidden in my cheekbone and smiling, my smile turned into little giggles, and the giggles into a big laugh. My laughter, mixed with the rain, presented its unique melody to the universe for the last time.
When he saw the ring he thought the heir had taken from me, his eyes widened in astonishment.
"Tell the heir that now even you won't know love's place."
My mother had bowed her head. She had a weapon powerful enough to prevent everything, love. She didn't use it and died. Because she had crowned her love with sacrifice.
They said love was a positive emotion. Yet, my father, who loved my mother very much, also killed her. They turned love into an excuse, showed love as weakness, either were ungrateful to love or got too caught up in it. They never deserved love.
I wouldn't bow like my mother because I would acquaint my love with selfishness. I put the ring on my finger.
I'm renewing our pact, Holy Spirits. I don't want you to bring the soul of my love in exchange for the heir's soul. You will send me to the soul I want, or I will steal the love from humanity that I stole from Earth, and the new test will be lovelessness.
I will make Earth resent love.
I'll tell the flowers, "Sorry, little bees and bugs won't kiss you anymore."
I'll tell the Sun, "Sorry, the Moon will stop chasing you."
"Sorry, sea, sorry, ocean!" I'll say. "Your sweet quarrels with the wind are ending, you'll be without waves."
I whisper towards Earth: "Sorry, toys, there will no longer be children who love you because now all of them will be born motherless."
The Holy Spirits had to sign this pact. We were sealed from our hearts.
I closed my eyes for the last time, and when I opened them, I was not in a dungeon in the Elysian Palace. I was in our universe. I wasn't looking at Çağın; I was looking at him.
