Maybe he was a chance I never recognized,
When I lost him, I finally came to my senses,
Too late to even ask,
“Which chance?”
In the middle of the night,
I made irrational decisions,
Unsure if I was enough for him,
And yet, I asked myself why,
Why did I act like that?
Was it wrong to take things so seriously?
Maybe I was too flawed to be right for him,
When I felt completely alone,
I clung to God when everyone else had grown tired of me,
After God, I reached for his arms,
I was cold,
As if I had spent hours in an icehouse.
Every time I wasn’t his priority I froze,
Still frozen,
Every part of me frozen,
Too dull to feel whole again,
Swept away in a blizzard.
And yet, when the temperature fell below a certain point,
I began to burn,
Is it worse than dying in a blizzard on a mountain?
Or is it better like this?
Or simply… just like this?
If this were a story,
I would make sure I wasn’t written into it,
Now I exist in limbo,
I can be with him even from afar,
This feels like a true incident,
Just between us,
I can love from afar,
Carry my love far away.
Was our curiosity in vain?
Was it only until we found each other?
Is the story over?
Who knows?
When I don’t want to leave my bed,
I talk to the walls,
They are more empathetic than most people,
How much it hurts to walk into a crowd I once loved,
I knew I was open to misunderstanding,
But I didn’t expect this much,
I hope he isn’t tired of my existence,
I just want to exist,
Neither to come into being, nor to fade away.
Swept away in a blizzard,
Thrown like never before,
The mistakes I make don’t make me perfect or terrible,
I’m human, that’s all.
No one will see how my soul sank into me,
Yet I will wear a smile like any other day,
I don’t need time for anything,
I love him timelessly too,
Lies are for those who cannot reflect their reality,
My reality is obvious,
Swept away in a blizzard.