**Ceyda Soykan** My brain, my arms, my whole body is numb, I can't move. I'm cold, so cold. I want to open my eyes, but I don't have the strength for that either. I'm in a dark well, I want to escape but I can't. I keep falling deeper into this bottomless well I'm in. I'm going back and forth between dream and reality. I'm losing consciousness, and then it comes back. I'm in the same dark void again. I don't know how much time passed like this, but I finally managed to open my eyes, even if with difficulty. The pain in my neck made me groan. I slowly lifted my drooping head and straightened it. What was happening to me like this? I waited a bit to gather my senses. No way, where is this place? I'm sitting tied to a chair in an iron-barred cell. From what I can see by the dim light of a single bare bulb, they've put me in a small room enclosed by iron bars, like a cage. This place somewhat resembles the cell in my father's basement.
Who could do this to me? The last thing I remember!........no, this can't be. Sister Firuze couldn't do this to me. They took me to the house for the restroom and then made me pass out with the injection they gave me in the neck. Sister Firuze wouldn't do this to me, she wouldn't, right? Before I passed out, I heard gunshots and then screams. What happened outside? Please, let nothing happen to anyone, please. I can't bear this pain. My eyes started to well up. I shouldn't cry. I had to find out what happened immediately. "Untie me, you animal bastards. Who are you? Get me out of here. Firuze!" I shouted. Since she knocked me out, she must be here too. Soon after, the sound of the bolt on the iron door was heard. When the door opened, a large, dark-skinned man I didn't know entered. Walking towards me, he grinned disgustingly and said, "Well, well, Her Highness the Princess has come to." "What nonsense are you talking? Why did you kidnap me? Untie me right now." "Hold on, beautiful, we're in no hurry. I'll untie you eventually." Another man came through the open iron door. "Ooo... has the sleeping beauty woken up? I thought you'd never wake up," he said, tugging at his disgusting yellow mustache with his fingers. "Who are you? What am I doing here? My family, what did you do to them? Untie me?" I was shouting, screaming. I couldn't help it; I couldn't stay calm. Right now, I was thinking more about Sarp and my family than myself. I was about to go crazy. "Where is Firuze?" I asked, still shouting. "Okay, shut up. I can't stand your screeching now. The boss is coming. Be patient a little. He will decide what to do with you. Don't make a sound until the boss arrives," said the large, dark-skinned one.
"I think we can have some fun with this beauty until the boss arrives," said the disgusting yellow mustache. Approaching me, he grabbed the bars. My eyes widened in fear. My breath was shortening as if a hand was squeezing my throat. The dark one pulled up a chair and sat opposite me. "Save your excitement for later, wait for the boss," he said, grinning and looking into my eyes. What had I fallen into? I started trembling all over with fear and panic. And I was also cold. So cold. Why did they have to have a wedding in this season? I didn't even have a cardigan on me. These two disgusting men wouldn't take their eyes off me. Sarp, where are you? Please come as soon as possible. Please come. Find me. "If you become mine, I'll take you away from here. No one can harm you," said the disgusting yellow mustache. His eyes were wide open, staring at me without blinking. "You're disgusting. My husband will kill you all when he finds you," I said. Laughing falsely, he said, "Sure, if he's alive." At that moment, my heart began to tighten. It can't be, Sarp can't be dead. I can't bear this, no, I can't. "What nonsense are you talking?" I shouted. "Sarp is alive." "Has our lady woken up and is now screaming and shouting?" I turned to look at the owner of the voice entering with a man, and froze in surprise. No, this couldn't be. This woman couldn't go this far. The two men next to me, looking at the arriving man, immediately straightened up and stood in line, saying, "Welcome, boss." So this was the boss. "What, you're surprised? You were screaming and shouting just now, why are you silent?" "You can't possibly do this, can you?" I said. "I've already done it," she said, laughing. It was my brother's mother, the worst of the worst, Zerrin, this woman.
"I won't stop at this; I'll do worse. You'll see, you little witch. I'll make you suffer more than I made your mother suffer. You'll beg me. First your mother, and then you, took everything I owned from me. Well, I took twenty years of your mother's life. Just when everything was going so well, when I had a good life with my husband and son, boom, suddenly you appeared," she said, laughing falsely. It was as if she had lost her mind. She was laughing unbalanced, her hands trembling as she spoke, unable to stand still. "I should have strangled and killed you with my own hands the day you were born. This is what happens when you leave the job to someone else. The idiot felt guilty and gave you to that poor family. And you know what I did?" she said, laughing again. "I poisoned and killed the idiot who succumbed to his conscience. Maybe I can't regain what I lost, but what I will make you suffer will cool my heart a little." "What will you gain? What did you gain after all you've done? A person's heart can't be this hardened. Whose revenge have you been taking for years?" "Your mother took the man I loved from me," she shouted. "My mother and father met after your relationship ended. No one took anything from you. Untie me, let me go. Otherwise, this time they won't leave you alive. Don't ruin your life. Go build a new life for yourself," I said. Frowning, she spread her arms to her sides. "How do you like your new home? It resembles your father's dungeon, doesn't it? I had this prepared specially for you. I spent one night there because of you. But you will live here as long as your life lasts. I will numb your brain like I did to your mother. But first, I have a surprise for you. Let's see how you handle this." "You're insane," I said. How had my father not realized this woman was crazy for years? "Open the bars. Untie her ropes." She shouted orders to the men. The so-called boss was just watching us, not speaking.
After they untied me, Zerrin said "Bring it" and then left through the iron door, and the man called the boss followed her. The large, dark-skinned man pulled me by the arm and lifted me from the chair. As he dragged me behind him, I almost fell to the ground because my legs were numb. The man with the disgusting yellow mustache also grabbed my other arm and pulled me out of the dungeon. I was literally being tortured in my high heels. It would be good to take them off and throw them away, but the air was very cold. I didn't want to step on the cold floor barefoot. First, we encountered a dark, narrow, long corridor. We climbed the stairs at the end of the corridor. This was an old factory with many work machines and equipment. It seemed abandoned. I didn't know where I was. It could be any industrial area in Istanbul. I didn't even want to consider another possibility. We could be outside the city. If that were the case, it would be even harder for Sarp to find me. What if I remained a captive for years like my mother? What if they never found me? After walking a bit further, we encountered more stairs. After climbing one more floor, we entered a large room. This was an old office. They made me sit on the chair Zerrin pointed to. Zerrin said, "I could have shown this to you on the phone, but it's more exciting on the big screen. And I'm curious about what kind of pain you'll feel while watching," she said, cheering childishly. It was as if a child was about to watch their favorite cartoon. She was laughing, making dancing movements. And I was afraid that what I was about to watch would be my disaster. "Come on, Cemil, turn on that screen," she said, pointing to the screen. The man called Cemil turned on the screen with a slight smile. I held my breath. On the screen was the security camera footage of the house. It showed me and Sarp arguing on the wedding night, then Sister Firuze taking me by the arm towards the house, followed by Aytaç coming to Sarp and talking about something. Since there was no sound, what they said couldn't be understood. Aytaç turned back, stopped the music, and made the people dancing on the floor disperse and sit down. At that moment, a group of masked men entered the garden, shooting the guards at the door as they advanced inside. For a moment, I couldn't breathe or swallow. The men were shooting at everyone, people were running away, some were hiding under tables. The guards were retaliating but it was insufficient. Suddenly, Sarp, my brother, and Aytaç appeared on the screen. They were fighting back against the men.
"No way," I said, jumping up from my seat. The dark man and the disgusting yellow mustache grabbed me by the shoulders and sat me back down. I saw my family. My father pulled my mother down, shielding her in front of him. Yusuf dad and Sevil mom lay down on the ground. There were many wounded, maybe even dead, on the ground. I was watching in horror, my eyes wide open. I didn't think my heart could take these images. Sibel and Kaya came into view. They were running, hugging each other. At that moment, a few bullets hit them. A scream rose inside me. As I was screaming and struggling, the two men were trying to tase me. Kaya and Sibel couldn't get up from the ground. They showered my family with bullets. I saw Aslan dad, Aytaç, and my brother get shot. I was crying and screaming. The last image I saw had become the final crumb of my sanity. They shot the man I loved, my love, my everything. What would I do without him now, how would I live? All this had to be a nightmare. A trick my mind was playing on me. I couldn't breathe. My whole body trembled violently. I'm dying. Anyway, what was the point of living anymore? My vision began to darken. My consciousness was leaving me again. ****** I don't know how much time had passed. When I opened my eyes, they had thrown me on the cold floor behind the iron bars. Remembering the images, I started crying. Lying on the concrete floor, I pulled my legs towards me and cried, screaming. This nightmare couldn't be real. They had killed my whole family. I was going crazy. I couldn't take this much. I didn't want to live. "Enough! I can't stand your whining all day. Shut up now." At Zerrin's shout, I tried to sit up. I had no strength left. Leaning my back against the wall, I sat down. "Kill me," I said, looking at Zerrin. Only she and the yellow mustache were in the room.
Laughing, she said, "What death? Not yet. You haven't even experienced a thousandth of what your mother lived through. There's no early death for you." "What kind of person are you? You can even kill your own son?" "If my son chose you over me, if he ever disregarded his mother, I would kill him." "You're a piece of filth. It's filth like you who shouldn't live. You too will one day die in agony," I said. "You talk too much; I need to silence you," she said, signaling to the yellow mustache with her head. As soon as the disgusting yellow mustache took the command from Zerrin, he came towards me with a syringe he took from his pocket. "What are you doing? What is that? What's in that syringe?" I said, moving backward from where I was sitting. The yellow mustache opened the barred door and came to me. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't prevent him from injecting the needle into my neck. As I groaned, I heard Zerrin's last words. "The drug that made your mother simple-minded and caused her forgetfulness." ****** When I opened my eyes, I first couldn't understand where I was. I looked around. Where was I like this? I sat up from where I was lying. First, I sat for a while. I thought; my brain was in chaos. My head was spinning. Why couldn't I remember anything? What had happened to me? I tried to take deep breaths. Some images were coming and going in my brain. First, I got up from where I was. I looked around. Iron bars, dim light, nothing else. I needed to pull myself together somehow. Why was I here? Shouting, I said, "Hey!" "Isn't anyone there? Look here."
The iron door opposite opened with a great noise. "Ooo... our princess has woken up," said the yellow man. Frowning, I said, "Who are you?" His face seemed familiar, but I couldn't figure out who he was. "Why are you keeping me here? What am I doing here?" "Ohoo, our princess has flown away; don't you remember anything?" he said. I looked at him, frowning. My head was a mess. Some images were coming and going. "Take me to the toilet," I said. Smiling, he said, "Okay, let's go." He was quite cheerful. As he took me out of the room, my head started spinning again. My consciousness was returning. I stopped and held my head. When I stopped, the disgusting mustache holding my arm also stopped. "What happened?" "Nothing, let's go," I said. I shouldn't let on that my consciousness had returned. As we climbed the stairs, he wrapped his arm around my waist. I tried to move away from him, but he didn't allow it. I could overpower him right now, but my head was still a bit dizzy. Leaning towards my ear, he said, "I told you, if you become mine, I'll take you away from here," blowing his foul breath into my ear. Pushing him away, I said, "Take me to the toilet."
I had to make a plan and escape from here. When we reached the front of the toilet, I went inside and immediately locked the door. After finishing my business, I washed my hands. I was in a very bad state psychologically. The disgusting man had made me nauseous. I wanted to cry like crazy. I had lost the man I loved, my family. Sooner or later, they would kill me too. Since I was going to die, I would take as many with me as I could. I'm not a killer, but I have to do this. I'm forced to. I sniffled; now was not the time to cry or complain. Sarp had wanted me to train for times like this, I told myself. I had to gather all my courage. I had no other choice. When the door was pounded noisily, I turned in that direction. "Come out now, how long am I going to wait for you?" said the disgusting yellow mustache. I would start with this bastard first. "Answer me!" I took a deep breath. Not a single morsel had passed through my throat since I arrived. I was hungry, thirsty; the drug they injected into my neck had weakened me. But now my strength had returned. Maybe it was from the anger filling me, the thirst for revenge, I don't know. I reached for the hem of my long dress. I tore off a thin strip and used it to tie my hair into a ponytail. I washed my face in the sink and drank some water. My lips were dry from thirst. I didn't feel my hunger, but thirst was different. When I opened the door, the disgusting mustache was waiting for me with a frown. He grabbed my arm and pinned me against the wall. When he pressed the gun in his hand against my neck, I looked at him without reacting. "Why didn't you answer? Tell me?" This man's intention wasn't to demand an explanation from me; it was to touch me. "Why aren't you talking, beautiful?" His free hand went towards my hair. "Don't touch," I said, grabbing his arm and pushing it away. Him being this close to me was so disgusting.
"You look more attractive with your hair tied up like this. I'm asking you for the last time," he said, his eyes looking strangely at me. "Be mine, let me take you away from here." "I'd rather die than be with a piece of filth like you," I said. "You brought this on yourself," he said, grabbing my arm and quickly pulling me along with him. When we reached the room where they were holding me, he pushed me, causing me to fall to the ground. He closed the iron door and drew the bolt. Then, turning to me, he started unbuttoning his shirt, saying, "I asked you nicely, it didn't work, you asked for this." Slowly, I got up from the ground and stood up. He thought I was afraid of him, but I had nothing left to fear anymore. With a frozen expression, I watched him. The gun was still in his hand. Maybe this opportunity would never come again. Just as he was bending down, trying to open his pants, I grabbed my long skirt and delivered a hard kick to his chin. His large body slammed hard against the iron door behind him. He was sitting, his head bowed forward, trembling. I picked up the gun that had flown from his hand on the ground. Crouching in front of him, I grabbed his chin and lifted it to make him look at me. But his unconscious eyes, looking upward, were trembling. I think he was in shock from the blow. "You piece of filth, so you were going to touch me," I said. Pushing his chin away, I let go and stood up. I looked at the high heels on my feet; they had served their purpose; good thing I didn't take them off and throw them somewhere. Using my heels, I pushed the disgusting mustache aside, opened the bolt on the door, and went out. I wouldn't be afraid of anything or give up anymore. What did I have left to lose? I passed through the long corridor and climbed the stairs. I thought the exit door was on this floor. Walking cautiously among the old machines, I had to be quiet. Someone could appear from anywhere at any moment. As I approached the stairs leading to the upper floor, I came face to face with a man. As he reached for the gun at his waist, I punched him hard in the face with my gun-wielding hand, and without wasting any time, I delivered a jumping kick to his face, which Aytaç had taught me with great difficulty. At that moment, another man, whose origin I couldn't see, threw a punch at me, but at the last second, I quickly dodged, grabbed his arm, and twisted it behind his back. Groaning at the angle, he started saying, "I'll kill you, dirty..." when I hit him on the back of the head with the butt of my gun.
"The bastard was going to curse at me too." I quickly climbed the stairs. I could have gone to the exit door, but if Zerrin the filth was here, it wouldn't be right to leave without killing her. When I reached the upper floor, the surroundings seemed quiet. I searched everywhere until I was sure it was completely empty. It was empty. So Zerrin had left. I went back down to the lower floor. I ran to the exit door. I was out of breath, but I didn't care at all. I didn't even feel the discomfort of my high-heeled shoes anymore. I went outside as soon as I opened the door. Before the man at the door who noticed me could aim his gun, I acted first and fired the gun in my hand. As he collapsed where he stood, two men running towards me from ahead fired bullets while I quickly threw myself behind a truck a few steps away. While they showered me with bullets, I fired back at them with one of the two guns I had, having dropped the other. For a moment, panic and fear gripped me, but when I remembered that I had lost Sarp, I wanted to kill anyone in my path like a madman, I wanted them to suffer like I did. Since the man I loved was dead, my family was dead. Why were they alive? While I shot one of the men, I soon shot the other too. I was like a madman; my mind wasn't with me. I wasn't myself anymore; I couldn't recognize myself. As the bullets in the gun in my hand ran out, I threw it away. I also took off the high-heeled shoes on my feet and threw them away. So they wouldn't hinder me while running. As I picked up the loaded gun on the ground, a bullet from an unknown source pierced my left arm. With a great groan, I collapsed to the ground. I was in a lot of pain, suffering greatly. I had to pull myself together; I couldn't give up immediately. I was going to die anyway, but not now. I had to kill Zerrin first. I couldn't die now. After getting up from the ground, while I was in a sitting position, I managed to save myself from the second bullet aimed at me at the last second. I noticed the man shooting at me and this time I shot him. He must have been dead because there was no further attack from him. I managed to get up from the ground, even if with difficulty. My arm began to go numb; blood was flowing profusely. If I didn't wrap my arm, I would die from blood loss. Even with difficulty, I bent down, tore my skirt, and groaned as I wrapped the torn piece around my arm. Using one hand and my teeth, I tied it.
Coming out from behind the car where I was hiding, I scanned the surroundings. This seemed like an industrial area with many abandoned factories. Where was I like this? Not that it mattered anymore anyway. I started walking, looking around as I went. Were there others? The ground was very uneven; there were stones, wild weeds, factory waste. A piece of iron or something else could pierce my foot at any moment. "Where are you going like that, beauty?" At the sound of the voice, I quickly turned around and aimed my gun. The man opposite me acted before I did, kicking the hand holding the gun, causing it to fall. In response, I kicked him too. But a violent kick to my waist from someone I didn't expect caused me to scream and collapse to the ground. The intense pain shooting through my waist and groin caused me to groan and scream. This pain would be my end now. "What is this?" When I heard Zerrin's voice, I lifted my head and saw Zerrin, her two men, and the so-called boss looking at my legs in a surprised state. My head was spinning. With heavy movements, I lowered my head and turned my gaze to where they were looking. I started trembling at what I saw. What was happening to me? My legs were covered in blood. I felt ice cold all over, I was shivering. My head was spinning, my vision was darkening. There was a great heaviness in my chest; is this what death was like?